Just This Time

3

Mom, she's not moving

What do you mean she's not moving

I saw shadows and little flashes of light. I saw a figure and she was using her hands to shake my body. but, I couldn't feel anything. Everything was still blurry. I don't know if this was one of my hallucinations. My hallucinations became too real that I couldn't differentiate them from realty anymore. The two figures had tears in their eyes. They're panicking. I wanted to wipe those liquids falling from their faces because it pains me seeing them in that kind of situation because after the flashes of light disappeared. The two shadows were my mom and my sister.

I suddenly opened my eyes and saw rays of light. I covered my eyes and move to the opposite side of the bed. I had those "times" again. Sometimes little bits of my memories will show but I don't know if it was just me making those scenarios. "Why do I feel so empty" I asked myself. My right hand started moving it's way up to the center of my chest."It's aching, it feels so hollow"

I didn't move from my bed and just looked at the ceiling until a knocking sound came from my door.

"Good morning" my mom told me with a smile.

I sat up and turned around while she's walking towards my bed then sat down. I gave her a smile, she smiled back and hugged me.

"Are you done packing? I haven't seen any of your luggages around" she asked

"Not yet, I haven't started anything. Will you help me?" She smiled and tears fell from her eyes and she said "of course"

I can already see wrinkles on my mom's smile. She's already growing old but she still looks so beautiful. Another voice came out of the blue. That annoying sound can only be one person, my sister Chelsea.

"Whatchu guys doing, are you packing? Can I help too!" Chelsea asked with her smile that runs all the way up to her cheekbone.

"Sure" I replied.

I moved out from my bed and started to move the clothes out from my cabinet. Chelsea started talking about her jokes. Her jokes are so corny that you can literally giggle because of her cornyess.

"I have a joke" she said "what kind of vegetable has a car"

Mom and I stayed silent trying to ignore her.

" A car-rot" she laughed so loud while my mom and I just looked at each other.

"Can't believe you two are sisters. Your sister is crazy." Mom said

"Atleast she has a sense of humour, I don't" I replied

Mom was folding my last sweater before putting it in the luggage and just stared in mid air while Chelsea is still rattling about her jokes.

"I'll tell you three jokes" she said. To end her madness on trying to tell jokes, I finally agreed.

"Fine, what is it"

"Joke, joke, joke" she replied while laughing like a crazy hyena that she is.
"Get it? Because it was three jokes"

I literally face palmed myself.
"Mom, make her stop, please." Then mom asked Chelsea to go to the kitchen to start preparing for the ingredients for the lemon pound cake order. Mom and I are are the ones left in my room.

"I see everything is packed here. So, this is it. You're going to school again. You'll be living independently with your dorm now. Are you gonna be okay?" She

"Everything is gonna be okay mom, just. Trust me." I replied

"Am I bad a mother? have I failed? for not protecting you." She asked again.

I hugged her as if I'm gonna be gone for years before I come back. Like a sailor on a ship trying to maintain the ship from the rough waters of the ocean. She's been my supporter through my rough seas but I need to learn on my own. If I stayed, I would be dependent to her and I don't want that. I don't want her to worry about me anymore.

"Mom. You're perfect. You didn't lack anything nor failed as a mother. Thankyou for everything. Thankyou for raising me."

I felt a long line of wet liquid go down from my eyes to my cheeks "Chelsea come here" I screamed. While still hugging my mom I heared footsteps from the stairs.

"Yes?" She questioned with a wide grin

"Come join us. I'm going to miss my annoying potato head" I told her while reaching my hand out for hers

"It's weird when you act sweet" she said.

" Well, suck it up. Enjoy it while I can still feel emotions and affections" I replied

We ended up hugging each other for a 15 mins then started to pushed one another until someone bangs on the wall. Good memories that I wish to keep. The basic family consists of a mother, father and their offsprings. But, this is all I have and I would never wished for more than anything than to be with them.

I woke up this morning feeling empty then it changed to passion and longing but now I feel very nervous and my heart beat is moving on a fast pace. I don't know what lies ahead outside the walls of my home. My hands started to shake and sweat but I have to face this in order to survive and have peace.

The taxi started driving from the fertile soil to the concrete roads of the city. As I looked outside the window. I knew a lot of things would change. I felt excitement and worry for as I'm not fully recovered from my anxiety attacks. But, I think.

Things will work out in the end.