When Will The Pain End?

On The Last Day Of Chrismas, I Gave To Myself... ( Chapter 1)

December 25, 20XX

I woke up to a extreme headache and in great spirit. It was finally Christmas morning, the day i get to sleep all day and can play with my new stuff. Midnight Christmas was the best and we get to stay up late. I love this time of year and can't wait for next year. But there is something that i wish could be true, having my dream come true.
I always wish for a better life, a better day, but when will that come?

As one of my presents, it was a diary like notebook. I thought to myself, why do i need this? Why do i need a notebook to write down my stuff? That's how you know your own family doesn't know you at all. Which is fine, I'm not expecting that at all. So i decided to give it a try and startes writing.

December 25, 20XX

Dear diary,

we barley met and i know we can be on the good side...for now. A lot of stuff has happened within the year and its almost the end of the year. Another year wasted and still an unclear image on living.

I still need a motivation on moving on and not have a day feeling down. As you may have figured out, I'm suffering from depression and can't stop feeling sad all day, everyday. My Christmas wish is to be happier and away from all the sadness, that's call my family. I actually feel a bit better sharing this, it changes the fact that I'm not talking to myself at the moment. Anyways, i must go or I will get yelled at even more if i ignore my parents more.

I put my pencil down and closed my book. I was at the edge of crying and dying. I felt like the pain from everything in my life is crushing me, little by little. I got up and went out of my room to check whats going on. I passed through the mirror and stopped.

I looked at it very closely and thought i saw something that wasn't suppose to be there. Must've been my imagination, I thought to myself. I fixed my lavender hair and headed downstairs. I sighed at the sight of the living room and knew what was coming.

Both my parents were there, with their arms crossed and having their signature mad faces," why haven't you cleaned up the wrapping paper from yesterday?" My mother said. I just grabbed the broom and started sweeping. That's until i felt a sharp pain in my face, thats the pain of a belt.

I looked up and saw my father furious and kept hitting me. " Do as you were told before! Not after!" I tried not to cry in front of them. I think i did when i felt a sharper pain on my back, then my arms and lastly on my shoulder.

I just wanted to drop the broom and run out, but something was holding me back." Also, your not opening your second set of presents, we are giving them to your cousin!", my mother said. I wanted to cry more, not because i won't get more presents. It's because all i did was go to sleep and thinking I could do it today, But i guess my happiness doesnt count. My cousin is always getting my presents, no matter what. They should probably adopt her and abandon me.

The point is, i could never be fully happy, no matter what i do. I stopped feeling anything a long time ago and decided to pretend any bubbly emotions. Which got me nowhere since i get hit by anything i do or say.
Since I work, i was saving up to run away. I almost have enough for 4 years, i needed to get out as soon as possible. But it wont be as easy as i thought, i can't get out of this nightmare of a life. All I could think of is what happened when i tried running away a few years ago.

* Flashback, August 8, 20XX*

I dropped my backpack and collapsed on the floor. It isnt the best feeling after getting beaten up for being myself. " be yourself, don't be anyone you're not" yeah, what a lie, if that was true, I'll be walking on my two feet. I just sighed at the thoughts in my head and managed to sit up. I looked at the clock, 3:30pm, my parents will be out for another 3 hours.

"Well, time to pack my stuff and leave this place," I thought," time to be on my own and move with my life". With that said, i managed to get up and slowly go down the hallway to the stairs. Luckily, i can just drag myself up without using my legs. It was difficult a bit but i managed. It was only 2 flights of stairs and in no time, i was on top and more dragging, only this time, on wooded floors. Which i managed, but thats what happens when your room is the last one on the long corridor hallway.

When i got there, i let my head hit the floor. Then I heard something, i managed to sit up with a painful look and screamed a bit from pain. I tried to hear something or see someone. Oh please don't tell me someone came in to rob me, please not today. I keep repeating myself the same phrase, but it didnt help me calm down for anything. It made it 10 times worst and just went to open my door. That's if i could reach, but it was painful to reach. Those bullies punched so hard that it feels like i was hit by the belt with the force of a blast wave.

This wasn't the best feeling but i needed to get into my room. With the determination i managed to gain, i opened the door, crawled in and shut the door. I tried to listen closely but all i could hear is the A.C. running. But something tells me it isnt the A.C., it is something else, and i could feel it. I dont know why, but i should probably wait til night to run away and see what is going on in this house.

As minutes seemed like hours, i didn't dare to step out and check. Maybe I shouldn't-. The closet doors swung opened and i screamed while covering my eyes," please dont hurt me!" I wanted for a response, but i didnt get one right away. So, i decided to open my eyes and no one was there. Now i was scared for my life and didn't dare to come out. Until my parents came and started to order me around and abuse me for not doing anything...