"I can't" i say taking a deep breath. I shut my eyes as i exhale. I reopen my eyes and see her scribbling down some words probably about the previous things i said "Ethan i think you might be depressed" she tells me and i scoff "well i don't need a Genius to tell me that one. I'm perfectly fine- can i go now?"
"No, sorry to break it to you but your mom has you scheduled for atleast a hour appointment" she frowns slightly i roll my eyes sitting back in my chair "i have more questions to ask you mr.dolan when your ready to continue" she raised an eyebrow at me
"Go on" i mumbled my eyes drifted to a playground across the street. It was similar to a playground i remembered playing in when i was younger with Grayson. I started zoning out and i felt the need to cry but nothing was happening.
No tears came out. I didn't know what to do i felt frozen i heard Alissa ask me something but i couldn't speak and i didn't know what words came out of her mouth "Ethan?" I hear her say clearly. I try to pull my attention over to her rather than the sights out the window but it's like I'm trapped. My heartbeat is gaining speed by the second.
Alissa gets up and squats down in front of me. Her hand rests on mine as her face interupts my vision. I scan her face which was plastered with worry across her eyes. I still couldn't speak. "Hey, it's okay" she tells me looking into my eyes.
My attention was now averted to her and my body begins to relax. And my eyes shut slowly opening back up again as my heartbeat begins to fall back to its original speed. "I-I'm sorry" i finally speak. "No no it's fine" she chuckles with a smile. My eyes shift to her hand overtop of mine and i follow her arm back up to her shoulder and face.
Now that i can breathe again and now seeing her up close i realize she's actually really beautiful. She notices my awkward gaze at our hands and quickly pulls hers away. "Oh hah I'm sorry about that" she laughs once again Standing up straight i shake my head signaling that it was no worry and she brushes off her skirt before returning to her seat behind her desk.
She writes down some notes I'm assuming on what happens. She hesitates for a moment before asking me an expected question "has that occurred before?" I look back up at her "it has- but it's normally much worse" i say finally deciding to open up a little "how so?" She questioned
"They're like- panic attacks, normally I'm alone when they occur and no ones there to help me out of it it or-or or even when someone is there they can't. But they usually lead to me" i stuttered "usually lead to you what?" She encourages me to continue "i- i usually end up getting angry at myself or i end up crying or something but it doesn't matter I'm just stupid" i brush it off
"No Ethan your not stupid" she reassured me. "Everyone has times in their life when they aren't themselves it's perfectly normal. Grayson was obviously a very important person to you and it'd be odd if you weren't in distress at this moment" she tells me and i nod
"Ethan have you ever smoked mari-" i cut her off "n-no; well once i did but i wasn't fond of it and it's something i- i don't. I'm not about that sort of thing" i told her. She hummed understanding my core point. "It's really not all that bad you know" she tells me
My eyes gaze off and i half listen to what she's saying "it can really help when your in distress, that being said though you have to be careful i would need to give you information on where to go. But your definitely eligible for a card" she tells me
I shake my head "a card?" "Yeah" she giggles "oh like a weed card?" I asked understanding "yeah- wow your really not into things like that huh?" She said "yeah, I've never fully smoked a blunt and I've never had a cup of alcohol either" i said proudly
"That's amazing" she said in shock "it was something me and Grayson were against. You don't need substances to have a good time" i told her. She nodded her head scribbling down some words on her note sheet.
"Okay Ethan- our session is coming to a close. I will see you back here same time next week but before you go i have two things i need you to do before i see you again" "and what's that?"
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