I'm Back Bitches

Funeral

        Today was the day of my dad's funeral. I put on a a black dress with some black flats. I put on black flower earring and a necklace. I grabbed my small black purse and a rose for my dad. I didn't bother to wear makeup because I knew it will smudged and I didn't want to deal with it.

         I walked down stairs and the girls were also wearing black dresses. I saw Connor on the couch drinking a beer he had on a black tux. I took the bottle away from him and held my hand out. He took it and right away I pulled him into hug. Stephanie drove our suburban and me and Connor sat on the back. We got to the place and the guys were already here. Other families from my dad's side was here but I really didn't know them. My dad's brother said a speech and so did Connor. Once they were done it was time to put my father in the six feet hole. Me and Connor grabbed dirt from the side and me and Connor dropped some. I dropped my rose and I cried onto Connor's.

        Our family left and then it was just me and Connor standing looking over my dads grave. Connor told the rest to wait by the cars since we need a moment alone. I fell to the ground and I cried my eyes out. I screamed and I let all the pain out. Connor sobbed next to me, he kneeled down next to me.

"I am so sorry Dad I didn't mean any of what I said I was just so mad I didn't get to have any other memory with you, the people that killed you where was the leader of my old gang, I killed them all the leader was Jeremiah I made sure he payed for what he did, I am so sorry dad you didn't deserve this, you also didn't deserve this Connor" I said.

"Cassidy none of this is your fault none of this is" Connor said.

"But it is" I said.

"No it's not I love you Cassidy don't you dare say that" Connor said.

"But it is it's all my fault, it's all my fault" I cried onto Connor.

       I hugged Connor and cried onto his shirt. I just cried and cried until I had no other tears. I was just whining and shaking. Connor was still crying but not as much. I looked one last time at my dad's grave and I got up and so did Connor. I hugged Connor's side and he wrapped his arm around me. We walked to the rest when the girls opened the door for us. We got home and no one has said a word. I went up to my room and changed into some sweats and an oversized sweater. I laid on my bed crying my eyes out. I fell asleep in the progress of me crying.

        I woke up and it was six in the afternoon. I called Mason and he had left home. I told him I needed him and that he will be here soon. I went to my room and opened the bottom cabinet and I took out a blue box filled with blades. I lifted up my sleeve and stared to cut open scars and made knew ones. On both arm blood ran down my arms onto the sink and I cried harder and harder. When I was done I had about twenty to more cuts on both my arms. I cleaned the sink and his my blades and pulled down my sleeves.

"Mason" I said coming out of the bathroom.

"My beautiful girl" Mason said.

        Mason stood up and I ran over and hugged him. I hugged him tight I didn't want to let him go. He sat up down on my bed but then he put me on his lap. I gripped on his shirt and I stared to close my eyes. Minutes later I had fallen asleep again. I had a nightmare and it felt like I was back in my freshman year of high school.

          I was walking into school when I was pushed into the lockers.

"You fat bitch" some kid said.

"You ugly slut" another kid said.

"You fucking waste of space just go kill yourself" I heard my brothers voice.

        I cried until everyone left when the bell rang. I got up from the floor and ran home. My dad was home but I climbed through the window of my bedroom. I fell and my dad then walked in.

"You bitch what are you doing here" my dad yelled at me.

"I am sorry sir" I said in a low voice.

"I am going to have to teach you a lesson" my dad said.

       My dad grabbed my by the hair and he pulled me onto my bed. I fought my dad off but then he slapped me and I gave up. He ripped off my clothes and he raped me. He hit me over and over again. He continued that for about two hours and then he stopped. He left me their crying. The next morning Connor told me the same thing from that same day I ran away. I saw my dad's face and then I woke up.

        I shot up from bed and I saw Mason still sleeping. I was covered in sweat and my heard was racing. I broke down crying again. Mason got up and he hugged me and rocked me. I cried and cried. Connor sang a song and they calmed me down somehow. I wasn't going to go back to sleep so I just watched Netflix with Mason the rest of the night.