WARNING - COURSE LANGUAGE
Life, Something that we are forced to do whether we want to or not. When I first heard about suicide I was shocked, I didn't know why anyone would kill themselves on purpose. All I can say now is its funny how fast things can change. I don't understand the purpose of existing anymore if I'm just going to be in pain the whole time. I don't want this life anymore; can someone just take this burden away from me before I do it myself. I'm living in a constant state of not being 'enough', not skinny enough, not smart enough, not short enough, not attractive enough, not her enough. Because everyone is always going to be better than me aren't they. Of course, they are.
Why would anyone want someone as messed up as me, I'm no one's ideal girl and I hate it, for once I want someone to look at me and say, 'you are enough, you have always been enough'. Is that too much to ask for? Of course, it is. In a society like todays, 99% of girls are short, and skinny and what every guy wants, but then there is me, people take one glance and then walk away disgusted, how could anyone love someone like me.
Anyone who has liked me has left, because as soon as they enter my life a switch inside my head must switch to 'destroy this' because I just seem to be so great at destroying every good thing that happens in my life. I've hurt him and I didn't want to, I tried so hard not to. But I guess if no one cares about me then ending this life wouldn't be so hard because I know I'm not hurting anyone that cares about me enough to stay long enough to show me I matter.
If you had the chance to kill yourself without hurting the ones you love, would you?
Of course, in a heartbeat, I'd be dead and gone before you could say stop. That's how unhappy I am.
According to you, I need to 'sort my shit out because it's my fucking problem' I didn't mean to hurt you, and I wasn't making it your fault. But was that message really needed? You just love making me feel like shit don't you, don't you! You've done it enough by the things you've said about me. I'm so fucking done with you and your shit so you can exit my life, yep thanks, I don't care where you go as long as it's away from me. So just leave and take every bad thing you've ever said about me with you. Goodbye, forever.
