Female!Reader X Bendy ( Beautiful Black )

Selfish thoughts

To be Hurt,

To feel Lost,

To be left out in the Dark,

To feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the Edge of Breaking down and no one's there to Save you....                              

I lived a solitude life, since the day I brought to life.

What on Earth was I born for.....?

I stare at her every night, at those peaceful tranquility features. Her long eyelashes twitching in silence, her small pinkish lips rising and lowering as she inhales... Everything about her is full of color, full of life. So bright.

I can't name what I can't understand, I can't know what I never experienced before.

I was empty inside.

Even though I tried to fill this emptiness before.

Even though I was born with a wide smile on my face.

I couldn't fill anything, not even a quarter.

I relied on people around me because I was scared that if I'm alone, I will forever feel empty.

I didn't care who they were.... I don't care who you are.... Just.... Stay with me.

"NOOO!" I shouted.

"DON'T DO THAT!!" I cried.

"DON'T TAKE THEM FROM ME!!" I pleaded.

"I'm here.... I'm here... please? Can't you hear me?"

"I'm....still here,"

I heard Alice once said that being born in life would be such a bliss. But for me...

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

They pointed fingers, they played with my feelings, they trampled me like an unfunctional toy. They told me I was imperfect, I was an error, something they need to fix to satisfy their needs. WHAT ABOUT ME? No matter how many times I broke into tear or despair, no one would respond. They made me feel THE WORST.

They made me feel.... Unwanted.

I wanted to die. My dreams, our dreams, they never belonged to me. They lied to me... to us..

I reached to this point because of them. They made me the way I am.

This nightmare was too much for me to handle..

I was just...waiting for someone.

It doesn't matter who it is. I needed someone to be by my side. For once.... Just for once. 

"Why.... Did I wait so many years? What am I waiting for....?"

I asked this question many times, A LOT, every day. Was I really waiting for Henry? Why didn't I send him the letter anytime soon...?

I am dying every day, I'm going to expire. Yet, I didn't decide on this letter sooner, so why? There was nothing to regret about, I can't even cry anymore.

He must be punished.

Until the day which I snapped out of it, I sent the letter and waited... waited.... Waited.

To my elation, the door was finally opened. How many years has it been since anyone crossed that door? At last, I will be free. But to my surprise, you came. With him.

It was a miracle. A miracle that I wasn't ready for, just like you told me before.

When you came, I noticed the way you saw me. When you were kind to me.

When you talked to me.

When you laughed, danced and played with me. When we teased each other and talked for hours, I never talked this much before.

And when you said... you were ready to live your life here, with me.

And when you put your hand on me.....

It felt like a miracle, that I met you. Out of all the people I knew here, when I thought anyone would be fine.

Never has there been anyone meant so much to me as much as you do.

She's my everything now, with a single word, with a glance.... So....

I watch over you, for your own good. And for mine too. You were not supposed to be here, but I'm glad Henry brought you because I wouldn't be able to sleep the cold nights in this place like I used to. There was no darkness but light, no nightmares but possible dreams. Only with you though. I know this time they will come true, I have high hopes. My old days felt long that I wished there would be someone.... Just someone, who could always be by my side. Just for me.

I look at you on the dining table while all three of us hanging around you like bees surrounding a pretty rose, I can honestly say... that you, mean so much to me. I don't know how to put what I feel into words.

Would it be alright..... for us to be more than friends?

Because hell, I know this much. I want to be everything to you just like how you mean everything to me.

I'm sorry Kerrin... I'll be selfish enough to tell you my real feelings. Tonight, I'll make my move.