Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

Chapter 12: Funeral

"God it's weird." Sighed Lydia, as she watched the hearse, her hearse pull out of the driveway. She pressed her forehead against the cool attic window and sighed. "I never thought I'd have to watch my own funeral so soon." 
Barbara put a gentle hand on Lydia's shoulder. "It'll be okay." She said sympathetically. "I remember our funeral, don't you?"
"Hmm?" Adam looked up from the book he was reading. 
"Our funeral. Do you remember it?" 
"Vaguely." He replied. "We didn't really see much of it, given that the church is round the corner." 
Barbara rolled her eyes. "Don't listen to him." 

It had been two weeks since Lydia's "accident" and Beetlejuice had not reappeared. Lydia dared to hope that maybe he had retreated on his own but she knew that was unlikely. 
"We need to do something about it." She said to Barbara. 
All three ghosts had been sitting in silence since the hearse rolled away, contemplating. 
"About what, dear?" Barbara replied, her dark eyes regarding Lydia thoughtfully. 
"Him.. you know... Beetle... Beetle-man. He's still here somewhere. I never got a chance to send him away."
Barbara bit her lip and turned to Adam who replied with a little shrug. 
"We'll just have to wait for him to come back I suppose." 
"We can't!" Lydia protested. "When I tried to send him back I ended up dead. If he so much as looks at Katrina and Beth-"
Adam shot to his feet, snapping the covers of his book together with a thud. "I've got it! Juno will know what to do." 
"Juno? Really?" Barbara groaned. "She's so impatient and rude." 
"But she helped us before."
"Who's Juno?" Lydia inquired. 

"What do you want?" The old woman behind the cluttered desk grumbled. In her shaking hand she held a cigarette between her index and middle fingers. Her grey hair was neatly curled, her makeup and clothing immaculate. In fact she looked very smart and there would have been nothing out of the ordinary about her; were it not for the large gaping slit across her neck which moved with every intake of breath, and released wisps of smoke with ever exhale. Lydia tried not to look at it. 
"We're having a slight problem with-"
"Let me guess.." the old woman was Juno, the Maitland's Caseworker. "New people have moved in and you want them gone? Change the record, guys."
"No that's not it actually..." Barbara shuffled her feet awkwardly and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "The problem is.... the new people.... their daughter accidentally called on Beetlejuice, and that's how-"
"Beetlejuice!"
"-Lydia died... yes Beetle-"
"Don't say it again!" Juno hissed before taking  along drag on her cigarette and resting her head on her hands, a despairing look flashing across her wrinkled face. "How could you let this happen?" 
"It was my fault." Lydia said, stepping forward. "My daughter wanted to help me see the ghosts and she thought he might be able to help. She didn't even mean to summon him, it kind of just.... happened." 
There was a long pause where nothing happened. Juno didn't even move, she just regarded Lydia with hooded eyes, disapproving thoroughly.
"And you want me to help put him back?" 
The three ghosts nodded earnestly. 
"No." Juno leant back in her chair. 
"What do you mean 'no'?" Adam cried. 
"I mean no, Mr Maitland. I won't help you. I can't, I've such a lot to get on with. I'm not your personal caseworker, you know. You got yourselves in this mess, you can get yourselves out." 
"But-"
"I won't do it, Mrs Maitland." 
"My daughter's might be in danger." Lydia said angrily. "And you're just going to sit there and let that happen?" 
"It's not my problem." Said Juno cooley. "But when they get down here I'll be sure to say hello."
This provoked Lydia and she felt the anger rising up within her. Had it not been for Barbara grabbing her one wrist, and Adam grabbing her other, Lydia couldn't confidently say that she wouldn't have flown at Juno right there and then. Instead she was dragged backwards from the office by the Maitlands and set down on one of the chairs in the waiting room. 
"We have to do something!" She seethed. 
"We haven't asked anything of Juno in thirty odd years." It was Adam's turn to complain. "You'd think she'd at least give us some advice."
"She always was difficult." Barbara agreed. 
Lydia got to her feet and wiped away tears that were rolling down her cheeks. "I suppose we ought to be getting back." She sniffed. 
Turning towards the exit Lydia bumped straight into a tall, suited man moving in the other direction. 
"Oh I'm sorry-" She began, but her breath hitched in her throat as she locked eyes with the man in front of her. "Samuel?" 
He turned to face her and for a moment looked as shocked as she was. "Lydia what are you doing here?" He said, the sadness in his voice very noticeable. 
"I'm dead, Samuel." She replied. 
"When did this happen?" 
"About two weeks ago." 
Without another word he scooped her up in a hug and held her to him. "I thought I'd never see you again." He said. "When you and the girls moved out of the house I thought that was it." 
Lydia took a step back, "You were still there?" 
"Of course! That's how it works."
Suddenly Lydia remembered the company she was keeping and turned to face Barbara and Adam. 
"I need to introduce you." She said, voice thick with emotion. "Samuel, this is Barbara and Adam Maitland the-"
"Ghosts you grew up with." He cut in. "Wow, it's good to finally put faces to the names." He shook their hands warmly. 
Lydia continued, "Barbara, Adam, this is Samuel... My husband."