Today

Today: short story

Today was my time to shine
Today was my time to become who I truely am
Today was my time to be the happiest version of myself
But today was not that day.
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It was 5:30 in the morning, not my usual time to awake. But I felt motivated, motivated to exercise my unfit body, filled with sorrow. As I dressed for a run around the block my 17 your old drunk brother came stomping through the door. It was a Monday, his usual day to come back from a night out with his mates . But today I was not going to let anything come in the way of my happiness. Happiness is an emotion that has been distant to me for quite some time and I'm finally ready to change that. For me and my family
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One step out the door and jack (my brother) stumbles onto my body and vomits on my shoulder. I guess no exercise for me but I power through and help my drunk ass brother that I love with all my heat. School starts in half an hour and it's my last day of grade 8, I have finished all my assignments on time and I'm considerably happy with life. Though something feels off. My heart sinks with nervousness, pain and the feeling of being on the brink of death sinks into my head ( if your wondering there's something wrong with me, but I just quite haven't figured it out yet) Alex one of my best friends reassures me with his presence and we start to hug blissfully with compassion.
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Time flys by and it's already lunch. I must of blanked out but I'm still happy. So happy I actually decide to sit with my friends instead of being by myself, thinking of what life would be like if clay was still alive. Since that day, that monstrous day, life didn't feel right. But today I was free, free of that dreaded feeling and I chose to socialise with people that have just felt like figments of my imagination. My friends. Christmas is around the corner and conversations are filled with joy, laughter and what great presents their rich family's are getting them but I ignore that and focus on the joy and laughter part. This brings a goofy smile to my face as the sun shines and creates an luminescent glow on my cheek, which puts my mind into my happy place
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Definition of happy place : in the furthest part of my mind lays my happy place where every once in awhile I allow my body to feel once again

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The happy place arises from inside and now I'm confident as ever. Love and joy fill my body as the sorrows and regret fade deep into my soul. Now at this very moment on this random ass day I... am....fulfilled. The sound of "Watch out !" are heard from a distance as my head is pounded with a basketball and ending up in the nurses office.
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This feeling, this feeling of complete fulfilment won't go and even when I'm bombarded with questions for safety from our school nurse Ms Landle. She has the most beautiful eyes that twinkle in the sun and has the personality of this perfect person that doesn't actually exist in the real world. The words coming out of her mouth are mumbles of gibberish until she utters the words have you been seeing Alex again. I'm a usual customer in this office and oh by the way Alex, yeah he's dead. Died with clay on that day, that day I just can't seem to get out of my head. But nothing will stop me and my invincibility today so I lie to Ms Landle. With the all good to go sign from the nurse, I head late to the best class of the day, drama.
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This lesson let's me express my inner self and what I have to offer the world. No need to brag but I'm a straight A student in this class, which I am proud to say. But now my happy place, it's fading and I'm fading with it as I realise my drama teacher transferred. She was the only one that listened to my pathetic problems but now she's gone and .... "Stop, Stop" i yell persistently as well as telling myself to breath. Every small breath I take, my heart beat slowly returns to normal as I realise she's there, Miss Danna, my drama teacher, she's there. My minds playing tricks on me again I won't let it happen. I start to try to regenerate this happiness I have been experiencing all day but it's faded and I am completely and truely dead inside.
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Every step I take towards the hallway makes me slowly, piece by piece lose a bit of my mind. As I finally reach the that dreaded hallway back into reality, I stand in despair and stare, just stare into what looks like endless darkness
-

I pretend to fall sick, though it's obviously not true. I leave for home just as my session with the school councillor would have started but today, myself can not handle life. By they way this happens every day. I go to school, happy as ever but i go into a state of agony and can no longer handle what is to come. My life's like clockwork I get up, feel joyful, go to school, feel crappy, go home. I have not finished a full day of school in two years. Me finishing my assignments, me feeling on top of the world, at the end of the day they become lies and my life goes back to its repeated self.

The car ride home is silent as ever , since my mum was hoping it to be the day I would actually finish a full day of school . That day I have been mentioning, that day when Alex and clay died, I was there, I was the witness. It was my fault they died, I told them to climb onto the ledge, I told them they wouldn't do it because they were chicken. News flash they did and died because of me.

Now back to the car ride. It's still as silent as ever. It's like I don't exist and don't matter but I get it, I would be mad if my daughter hadn't been to a full day of school In two years. The silence lasts a little longer until it Doesn't. It's gone, vanished into sounds of Tyers burning and glass breaking into my face. The sound that broke the unfathomable silence was the sound of my mums suv crashing into clays older brother, Marten killing both him and my mother. I stand there in the poring rain tears rushing down my frozen face as I feel the fresh wind blow into my hair. My last moment with my mother was silence, that silence will never be forgotte...CRASH".