» optimism ○ min yoongi

三

{ omg finally what an update woah really honto?!?1!?!?!?!?!! }

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trigger warning: self harm

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after evaluating the girl miss athena asked me to, i went straight into my dad's office. 

"what?" as soon as i open the door, i threw a question onto his face. "i still need to catch up to miss athena, let's just get this over with."

he looks at me straight in the eye, then threw a notebook towards me. it fell to the floor, lightly swirling. my eyes widened when i realized it was my music sheet.

"yoongi, we've talked about this. i told you i will not give you the opportunity to be that 'idol' that you want. i will soon commend the business to you and-"

"where the fuck did you find this?" i looked down towards the direction of my sheet. 

"i read the things inside and i saw your plane ticket to seoul and your passport. i momentarily confiscated them for your own good."

"what the fuck?" i sharply looked at him. he averts his gaze, "you don't have a future when you start climbing towards that petty path of yours-"

"why did you put me inside a music class, then? what for?"

"i want you to have some fun-" cutting him off once more, i raised my voice. "fun? i fucking want to be an idol, that's what's fun. can't you just let me fucking decide for once?"

"min yoongi, do not raise your voice on me."

"shut the fuck up, you stop raising your expectations from me."

"this is what i think is best for you!"

"bullshit. you only think of me as your goddamn pawn so we're no different. i decide what i want. piss off." i left, slamming the door shut. my hands are shaking from the rage. shit. this is bad. sooner or later i'll lose my mind again.

my eyes are blurry. i saw the men's bathroom, went inside and locked the door. i shakily reach out for my pocket, grabbing every object inside, dropping everything except for my lighter and blade. using my lips, i pursed them together to take a hold of my lighter. i pulled my sleeve up, positioning the blade on my wrist. 

one.

inhaling sharply, i knew one cut wasn't enough to calm me down.

two.

one more.

three.

i hissed at the third and the last cut, deeper than the last two cuts. blood was gushing out of my wrist, dripping on the white tiles of the school bathroom. i leaned my head back on the wall, my eyes shut— feeling the satisfying pain that i did to myself.

a loud bang on the door was heard. 

"who's locking the boy's bathroom? open up!"

i splashed water on the floor to spread the blood, before pulling my sleeves back and walking towards the door to open it.

The guard took a step back realizing it was me, whispering a small apology under his breath. I take a good look at him, then walked away.

I could feel my sleeve slowly being drenched by the blood. Fuck, did I cut too deep?

Maybe it's a good thing my jacket was black. I don't know— i don't really fucking care. I just need to find a breather. somewhere i could make my mind function properly. i can't think straight. i started to insufflate- heavier than before, and every time i try to gasp for air, i struggle.

i'm so lost.