Weights

5. Should I Even Go..

It's been two weeks now, and I haven't gotten any better. I think I've only got up once to shower last week, and I only stood in there for a bit before I couldn't hold myself up anymore. But I need to make a decision..

Boston, Mark, Ethan, Tyler, everyone else, and my fans?

Or, stay home by myself?

I look awful, should I even go? I'm paler than I should be, I can practically feel my ribs against my skin just by breathing, I haven't even talked in forever, and i'm littered in scratch and bruise marks. The scratches from small panic attacks, and the bruises from falling over half the time. There are also cuts, but that's a different story..

Anyway, I still need to decide.. If I go I may end up feeling pain the entire time! Then again.. It's no different if I stay here.. Maybe.. Maybe Mark can help me?

Yeah, everyone could help me, maybe even explain what's been happening to me! But, they could also be mad since I've worried them.. You know what? So be it if they're mad! At least I'm okay!.. Sort of.. So, I've made up my mind! I'll go. Now, to get off this damn couch..

~Time skip, brought to you by Jack's slowing shrinking weights. But barely at a time~

I've got most my things I need packed now, I just need to finally shower and change into clean clothes. Then after that, I'll be off to the airport to see everyone! I finish my shower rather quickly and seem more refreshed and excited as I limp slightly to my, now charged, phone to Tweet out that I will surely be at the Boston meet-ups.

Then I see it..

All the sweet things made and sent by people to tell to get better if I feel bad or down and to get back online to everyone soon. Mark has made vlogs about how he'd love to hear from me again, hoping I see the video if I simply couldn't see his calls or texts somehow. And there were similar things from all my other friends. It all nearly brought tears to my eyes..

I didn't deserve all this just by being offline and depressed. Of course, they all didn't know that last part.. But all the same, I packed away my charger and dragged myself out of my home with my bags while stuffing my phone in my pocket. I took a taxi to the airport, got all my stuff brought in and such before getting onto the plane itself. It felt.. nice.. to be back into at least one of my old schedules. And so, the plane took off to Boston, as well as my possibility of getting better..