Here Alone

You Know I'm Drowning

You know I'm drowning...
I'm in a place in my life where I don't even recognize myself anymore.
I have taken in so much pain in the past
Now that I'm free from the pain
I don't know how live with my emotions
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted
I can't even share my thoughts with anyone

I don't understand how I feel tired
So telling them would be a waste of time
I don't understand how I'm feeling
So I don't expect anyone else to understand
You know I'm drowning....

I had a near death experience just few days ago
I was alone terrified of dying
Yeah, I know I always say I'm not afraid of dying
But after that experience I think I'm afraid of dying
I was alone in my bed with my thoughts consuming me....
My thoughts consumed to an extent of dying
I shivered and tossed around trying to escape
Then I realized that I was trying to escape from myself...
I begged and begged for them not to hear me crying
I felt my body crawl into a ball without my intent
I was somehow separated from my body
My mind was running a marathon
While my body was trying to catch up

You know I'm drowning...
My heart was racing and..
For a minute I thought it was going to escape my body....
On top of my heart racing, my heard started pounding...
I wanted to pull my hair off in hopes to stop the pounding headache...
But instead I drifted off to sleep..

I wish you were here so I would hold you close to me at night..
You know I'm drowning in my thoughts and I don't want to burden anyone with these thoughts...
I feel disconnected from my body.
I'm walking and breathing but deep down I'm dead...
I never in my life wanted to die
But lately that's all I want to do.
To be in a place where I can shut off forever.....