Stay Wild

Emotions

  I was laying in bed, attempting to find sleep. 

My room was incredibly hot, clammy, and utterly uncomfortable. I tossed and turned, but to no avail; rest was a foreign concept at this point. 

So I lay there, my mind racing, thinking about him.

My rosy red cheeks were stained with tears that seemed to  stream from my azure eyes like a fast flowing waterfall. 

I was so hot, yet there was an immense coldness that I felt. 

A lonesomeness. 

An hour passed. Two.

Finally, my eyes were simply too heavy to remain open. My insomnia faded, and I drifted off into a deep sleep. 

~

7:02 AM is when I woke up. Too early, yet not early enough. 

I dreadfully got up, and hesitantly stepped into the shower. I felt the hot water race down my back, the warmth of the steam against my cold skin. Before I knew it, a sob filled my throat. 

I broke down. 

I was vulnerable. So vulnerable, that it was sickening. 

I felt like a weak, helpless child. 

It was this vulnerability, this innocence, and trustfulness that absolutely destroyed me.

When you entrust someone with your fragile heart, and you give them all the love in the world, and they simply toss you away, that, is an indescribable pain. 

You are reduced to nothing, but he doesn't care. You don't even get any form of explanation whatsoever. And you wonder, why?

Why? 

You are left to sit in silence, to bask in your sadness. Until you are driven to the brink of insanity and you cannot deal with it any longer. 

You bed, you plead, you cry. 

They still don't love you. In fact, they don't give a fuck. 

You don't matter to them, and you're forced to accept it. 

Broken, alone, and miserable. Those are the emotions that consume you.

Contemplating everything is your resort, and you don't think it will get better. You expect the pain to linger, to cripple you and leave you in a state of emotional paralysis.

But it will get better. It always does. 

You move on. 

I did. 

It got better.