A Fiery Temper

(Original)

Once upon a time, a man named Herodude, who lived with his parents, Bob and Edna. One day, Herodude became bored of eating cold poultry and wanted to find new food, fresher food.

"Dad, I'm bored." Herodude complains. "I want to eat new food."

"Hi, Bored, I'm Dad!" Bob responds, cheekily.

"Ugh!" Herodude exclaims. "Why?" An exasperated Herodude goes to his bed of straw to contemplate his life choices and wonder how he had set himself up for such a CLASSIC dad joke.

Suddenly, Herodude jerks up from a lying down position and hit his head pretty hard on the cave wall. "Ow... I have an idea! Hey mom, dad!"

"Yes, Bored?" Bob said with a smile, which made Herodude angry again.

"Screw this! I'm going on an adventure!" Herodude states indignantly.

"Okay, have fun, Going-On-An-Adventure!" Edna says jubilantly.

As Herodude wanders through the deep thicket, he finds a tree with a beautiful apple hanging from a branch. As he starts for the fruit, a chipmunk scrambles up the tree.

Herodude suspects the tiny animal is going for the apple dangling so dangerously from the branch. Anger wells up in Herodude's chest and absentmindedly, Herodude runs at the unsuspecting chipmunk and grabs it by the torso, then punts it into the woods.

As Herodude walks up to the apple, a old man, wearing a tye-dye shirt, muddy bandana, and ripped bell bottom jeans, appears, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Hello there, young man!" The man says. "Mind getting that apple up there for me?" The old man points to the red juicy apple Herodude was just going to get.

"Ha! No way, mister," Herodude laughs. "That apple is MINE!"

The old man puts a wrinkled hand to his bearded chin. "What if we make a deal?" The man suggests. "You get that apple for me, and I'll give you many, many riches."

Herodude thinks this over. Although, Herodude suspects the man is lying, he grabs the apple anyway. The old man holds his hands out, expecting the plump, juicy apple would land in his hands, but instead, Herodude does just the opposite.

Herodude takes a huge bite out of the apple, spits it out into the old man's face, then chucks the rest of the fruit into the woods. (MIRACULOUS LADYBUG) Entirely taken aback, the old man gasps. "You should respect your elders, young man!"

"If you could see your face right now, grandpa, you'd see that whatever THAT is, doesn't need a bit of my respect," Herodude sasses.

And with that, the old man gets up, the hippie clothes burning away in a bright light, revealing the powerful, almighty, God-Man!

Realizing his mistake, Herodude silently cusses to himself. "Do you realize what you have done, Herodude?" God-Man says in his loud, booming voice. "You have insulted a god!"

"I'm sorry?" Herodude says in a small voice.

"Hasn't your mother ever told you, 'Sorry doesn't cut it'?" God-Man asks. "Never mind. If you do me a favor, and get my wife from the hole in that pretty tall mountain," God-Man points, "and then, i'll spare your life."

Without protesting, Herodude sprinted up the pretty tall mountain. Slowly scaling down the deep cavern, he finally touched the bottom. Pitch black. He couldn't see a thing. "Hello?" Herodude's voice wavered, and he hoped no one would have been there to hear it.

"Hello? Who's there?" A mysterious voice crept from all directions. Herodude's eyes got adjusted to the darkness, and he saw a shadow of a figure.

"Uhh... I am here to rescue you!" Herodude says in the most heroic voice he can possibly muster.

The figure sighs in what Herodude guesses is relief. " Oh, thank you so much! I've been chained here to this rock for the past... Oh, I don't know... A long time."

Herodude rushes to the figure and feels for anything that could be keeping this figure from the sunlight. He rushes to cut the binds and when he's finished, he looks up to see the most beautiful creature he has ever seen in his life.

"Oh, thank you again! By the way, I'm God-Lady," she says.

"Uh, I'm Herodude," Herodude says shakily.

Upon seeing God-Lady's beauty, Herodude had to take her as his wife, because, what God-Man doesn't know can't kill him... right? Herodude laced his arms around God-Lady and heroically and led her back up to the surface.

Sweaty and dirty, they both finally made it up to the surface of the mountain. "Hey, so want to go away someplace, you know, since I, the heroic Herodude, saved you?"

"Of course!" God-Lady responded, giggling.

But they didn't notice that God-Man turned himself into a fluffy bunny and was watching their every move. How DARE they do this, God-Man thinks to himself. They're going to regret this!

Herodude and God-Lady start down the opposite side of the mountain in hopes God-Man wouldn't see them. "HOW DARE YOU!" The two hear. "MAYBE I SHOULD KILL YOU AFTER ALL, THEN HERODOOD!"

Confused, Herodude says, "it's HeroDUDE, not HeroDOOD."

"Whatever! But I see you are stealing my wife!" Booms bunny \God-Man. "I said that if you rescue her, you can live! And now you are stealing her! You can now DIEEE!"

"But you are only a bunny," Herodude says. And with that, the bunny turns back again into God-Man. '

The anger God-Man felt, it just BURNED! With a guttural scream, a new substance, a flickering yellow and orange ball

began to formulate in front of him. With a final roar, the ball flew toward Herodude and God-Lady.

Both Herodude and God-Lady screamed in fright as the mass neared. The ball of heat and light sped toward them, engulfing them. Herodude's jerkiness gets sucked into the ball of light, and God-Lady's beauty gets sucked in as well. Suddenly, in a beautiful blaze of light, a huge fire was created, and its flames licked the ground and trees, hissing and spitting sparks.

God-Man jumped back, surprised at the flickering flame that was dancing in front of his face. He called out to his wife, but the only sound he heard was the crackle of the dying trees and th hissing and popping of the fire.

Suddenly, realizing what he did, he dropped to his knees and started sobbing. His tears rolled over the fire, putting it out. However, before the fire was completely gone, small sparks of fire had traveled across the world. People everywhere had started experiencing its beauty and destruction.

AND THEN THEY ALL DIED

And that, kids, is how the fire was first created. And whenever God-Man feels particularly angry at himself for killing his wife, he starts more fires across the globe

THE END