Dear Daughter,
The last letter gave you the happy pieces of life. This letter is giving you the good, the bad, and the ugly...
I know that I tease you all the time about having a list of who you can even think about dating. There are reasons that I'm so picky. For one, I didn't do it with your oldest sister and I should have. As you know, the second I met your future brother in law, I told your middle sister that he was the guy she would date someday. (Her list of acceptable was the shortest of all). Your sisters, well they both would tell you that they made some dumb decisions and have regrets about some things. So, to save you from some of the things, I'll be picky if that is what it takes. That's why the list is so short. I know I always talk about being respected by a guy. Without respect, he isn't the right guy.
Now, let me tell you a little more about my teen years, the ugly parts, the parts I try to forget. After my first boyfriend, I started dating someone else. He didn't go to my school either, I don't even remember how we met. But, he is the reason that I tell you that you deserve a guy who will respect you and who isn't going to push you into anything and who has the same values that you do. Back then, we didn't have the term date rape. It wasn't talked about. But just know that if you say no, it means no. I said no, I was 16 and not ready to do anything and I said no. He didn't care. That is not how I want your first time to be, nor is it how I want any girls or guys first time to be. It changed me, it put me in a dark place and made me insecure about myself. I didn't think I was worthy anymore. It took a long time to get myself back to a good place. My next boyfriend was a great guy, he was actually a foster kid who was born to a white mom and black dad but wasn't accepted very well in his mom's affluent white community. He ended up in foster care because he was targeted. He treated me well and made me realize my worth again. He told me I was beautiful, he treated me like a princess, and he was a great guy for the most part but we weren't meant to be together.
I know where your sister got her thing for the bad boys though. It was definitely from her momma! I made a few other bad choices in who I dated. Thankfully, the one choice I made for myself was that I didn't have to sleep with every guy who wanted to sleep with me. I continued to make mistakes. I dated a guy who ended up doing something horrible to a little girl. It made me sick and I actually had to attend counseling for that one. It was unimaginable and I am so thankful that I never did anything with him because I felt dirty that he had ever even kissed me. It was after that that I was pretty much just done. See, I didn't date many guys before I met your dad. I dated my first (and last) boyfriend, the foster kid, the other one, the first one again, and I then met your dad. I had two guys that I talked to during the winter/early spring of my senior year before I met your dad. I don't have a long history with a bunch of different guys. I am very thankful for that.
I hope that you never have to experience what I experienced. That is why I want you to have someone in your life who treats you well, respects you totally, and has been and is being raised with morals and values. So, yes, my list is short. In fact, there is currently one person on my list for you (maybe a second) and it will stay that way.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mom
