Hi,
You are currently a teenager right now, going through a crazy time in your life. I am writing this to you though because it is the experience that I have shared with all three of my girls guy friends.
I know that you are interested in sex, you probably think about it all of the time because you are a teen boy going through life changes. I get it, guess what, your parents were once your age too and thought the same way. But, what I am telling you now, is a little story that is a hundred percent true and a hundred percent our families.
The last thing you are thinking of at 14, 15, 16 is having kids but it should be one of the first things you think about. Look ahead in your life right now, look ahead 15 or 18 years to be exact. That is when you will be married, probably have a couple of young children, and could get that phone call you never expected. Are you ready for it? Can your marriage handle it? What will your children think? What will your wife say? What will you say?
I know, you are wondering what I am talking about. Let me tell you a little story. When your father-in-law (since I did address this to the boy who will someday marry my daughter) was your age right now, he was having sex too. I didn't know him then, and I wish I had though. I wasn't his first anything and that makes me sad. When we met, we talked about everything, our pasts, who we were with, all of it. But, he did leave out that one detail. That detail that could make or break our marriage someday.
When he was 16, he got pulled out of school and taken to a courthouse to sign papers. You see, his fooling around and having sex with a girl from the neighborhood had consequences. Those papers he signed were giving up his child for adoption. Yes, at 16, he was the father of a child. He didn't know the girl was pregnant (she was 14). There were rumors that floated around school but she denied them. There wasn't much he could do. He signed the papers and life went on. Chalk it up to experience, no big deal right?
Fast forward 15 years, he has been married for several years, has two young daughter in kindergarten and preschool, and he gets a phone call. Oh wait, I mean his wife intercepts a phone call. One that goes something like this..... Hi, I am looking for.... I was in contact with his mom and she gave me this number. There is a young lady who is looking for him, he signed papers.... Ummm... whoa, wait a minute? What?
Yes, 15 years later, he gets to explain to his wife that he indeed has another child who is 15 years old that he signed papers for to give up for adoption. Wait, he also tells you that not only was he fooling around with this girl but so was his friend. So, he doesn't know if the child is really his and that is why he never said anything.
Please, please, please.... don't do that to my daughter. I wish it hadn't been done to me. I can't change his past, it is his. I could only control how I reacted to the news. I took the high road and chose to be supportive because there was nothing else that I could do. But, I also vowed to talk to every young man in my daughter's lives about using condoms, about not having sex, about being careful and about thinking of their future wife and family first. I know that at 14, 15, and 16, those aren't the thoughts running through your head but if you aren't mature enough to think about it then you also aren't mature enough to be having sex. Save yourself for your wife, or at least until you are old enough to know the consequences.
Love,
The mom of the girl you will someday marry.
