Life

1

   My name is May. Thats not my real name, but lets just use it for this story. This story is pretty real. My life is complicated. I guess.. I'm not a good story teller honestly.

   I started highscool two months, and I obviously hate it...

Friday Novemeber 17th, 2017

     I shut the door behind me as I said bye to my dad. I used to wave bye, but we grew apart. I barely look at him as a father figure anymore. I just know to much now that I'm older...

I sighed as I hung my head down and walked to my first period class; chemistry. I was supposed to take physics, but I already took physics last year since my school was a year ahead. I looked around the school hallways. Same people, same attitudes, same drama, same everything. I saw some of my classmates hanging out in the corner. Their eyes connected with mine and I glanced away.

   I sighed. "Here goes another 8 hours of misery," I whispered to myself as I opened the brown door to my first class, and walked into the dark classroom.

   "Good morning," said my teacher. I replied the same  thing as I looked around the empty classroom. Nobody was here yet; nobody was ever here early. I know they are here, but they all have something to do at this moment.

    I took out my phone and took out my earphone to listen to my daily song of,  "Royalty" By Mali Music. I literally cannot go a day without listening to it. I get lost in the music as I put my head down and imagine myself where I always wanted to be in the future; a lawyer with beautiful kids and a loving husband that helps me farm.

    See I have this disease. It's not common, and it's usually just put aside as nothing. But its not nothing, its  something. Something that has ruined my social skills ; something that has given me  these problems I can't deal with; something that has ruined my life. I have maladaptive daydreaming. Its excessive daydreaming. I know this sounds good and fun, but I can't stop daydreaming. You can never stop maladaptive daydreaming. I know some people who like it, but I do not because unlike them, it ruined me.

   It made me believe I was something, anything of my imagination. I have been doing it since the 5th grade, and it made me feel powerful. It made me feel like I was in control, like I was a queen and had everything going for me. I used to spend hours and hours walking around in my room, talking to my "friends" when really, I was talking to myself locked up in a bedroom. I would daydream about anything. I daydreamed about being a you-tuber in the future, giving advice to my classmates from school. On some occasions, I daydreamed that I was an important character on The Vampire Diaries. But most times, I daydreamed about me with a perfect life. Mostly me in a big group of friends who loved and took care of me. The conversations between us would mostly be jokes, but sometimes it was a more serious plot, where I would even cry in real life to fit the character. I loved it though, and I didn't want to stop, for the feel and adventure and adrenaline that I felt whenever I daydreamed would stop. 

     When it stopped, I felt cold. I felt useless. Reality wasn't anything like I in visioned in my head. I wanted to go back and hideout in my room, with all my friends. My adventures through everything. My boyfriend whom read me like a book. I wanted to go back to my perfect life. When I am forced to socialize, I curse myself for I don't know how to. That is why I hate maladaptive daydreaming. Its all good until I step back into reality and admit that I will never have friends, a boyfriend, or a perfect life. I hated myself for this. I let it get too far, I let get to a point where I could't talk to people normally without being awkward. I had to stop, but I didn't know how to.

     Friends... they seem so simple, yet I can't make any. Any. I have one amazing friend, who doesn't go here and barely talks to me anymore because we are both so busy with school. I don't understand why people  don't like me. I have been trying to be friends with black girls in specific, since they are literally the best, for the whole school year. Yet they hate me. Why? I just don't understand because I have been nothing but nice to them. Whenever I give them compliments on how good their hair looks today, or how they know how to dress nicely, they give me this dirty look and turns to someone to tell them I'm stuck up. Should I not give out compliments anymore? I feel like I would make a very good friend if they gave me a chance.