Forevermore

5

"We did so good." Lidia says later that night as we look upon our house at it's beauty.

"We really did." I say and she puts her head on my shoulder.

"I love you Selena."

"I love you too Lids." I say and she smiles as we drink our hot chocolate and look up at the North Star shining bright above our home. I laugh as we flop onto our backs and stare up at the star filled sky.

"Which star is hers again?" She asks and I take her hand in mine and move it to point at my mother's star.

"That one, right there." I say.

"It gets brighter every year." She says and I smile to myself.

"She grows stronger every year she's up there." I say and she sits up. She pulls me up and I smile as she pulls me in for a hug.

"Your mother would have loved to see how much you have changed through the years. She'd love to see the great meaning Christmas continues to have to you. She'd be so proud of who you've become." She says and a tear falls down my cheek.

"Thank you Lidia." I hoarsely get out.

"You're welcome." She says pulling back.

"You okay?" She asks and I nod.

"I'm just going to sit out here with her, just a little longer." I say and she nods standing up.

"Don't stay out for too long." She says and I nod as she turns and heads to the front door.

"Night girl."

"Goodnight." I say in response then she walks inside. I pull the blanket tighter around me then open up The Polar Express. I run my fingers over the words and take a deep breath looking up at her star.

"Hey mommy. God I miss you so much. It gets harder every year, knowing that you won't be walking in through those big brown doors for this Christmas this year, or the next year, or ever again. They say time heals, and I am healing. Slowly, but I am. My heart though, my heart just grows weaker as this time of the year rolls around. It's Christmas time, and I know you'd always say that it was a time for happiness and glee, but it's just been so hard these past few years. Do you remember what this year would've marked? Your fiftiest birthday. Haha, I know you would've hated to celebrate it, you hate getting older, ha." I wipe a stray tear and push hair out of my face.

"I met someone the other day. A guy from high school believe it or not. I don't know if you ever knew him, his name is Hayden McDaniel. He's very handsome and kind; has a great heart. He's funny and he takes an interest in what I have to say and what I have to show. He was amazed about my book collection, just like you haha. I think you'd really like him if you were here. He's a great guy, and he's a daddy. He says she's a beautiful little girl, and I believe it." I bite my lip looking down at the Polar Express and watching a tear drip onto the page.

"Mommy I miss you so much. It's so hard." I sob out turning to chapter one. I take a deep breath wiping my eyes as I start to read aloud.

"On Christmas Eve, many years ago I lay quietly in my bed. I did not rustle the sheets. I breathed slowly and silently, I was listening for a sound. A sound a friend had told me I'd never hear, the ringing bells of Santa's sleigh. "There is no Santa Claus." My friend insisted, but I knew he was wrong. Late at night I did hear sounds, but not the sounds of ringing bells."

I continue to read to her, knowing she's listening to me with a smile on her face. I finish chapter one, then slowly lower the book and look up at the sky.

"Goodnight mommy." I whisper then stand up and walk inside. I shut and lock the door behind me then walk down the hall to my room. I climb into bed and grab my teddy bear pulling it to my chest and shutting my eyes.

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