Lily and Rufus: With all of my heart

Chapter 1 - Dead

Rufus pov: 

I was wandering around the streets on the Upper East Side. It was actually something I didn't do that often but I liked the atmosphere. After all I had been living there for quite some time and the place has found its way to my heart. But walking on the Upper East Side also meant pain. It made me realize how much I had, how happy I was back then, and how much I regretted my decision. It was 1.5 years ago that I had last seen them to Dan and Serena's weeding. 

I went to Central Park. The autumn did amazingly good with the trees this time a year and I found a bench and sat down just looking around. People were running, walking, talking, smiling and kissing and I could feel it right in my heart. So much grief. I missed the good old days, where the family would be together in the house, or Lily and I would go for a walk hand in hand down the streets. But it had all ended so fast. 

I had a slight period, where I was dating Lisa. But it was nothing serious. I felt it from the start. It was so wrong to be with her. I only liked her. I definitely didn't love her and I told her. It would have been wrong to continue with her. So we broke up a couple of months later. I stopped playing music in public and now I'm only playing at home in rare occasions. I kind of lost my inspiration. 

As I was sitting on the bench my phone rang. I went to my pocket and took it calmly up. On the screen it said "Unknown" and normally I would never had picked it up but I couldn't help myself. Life couldn't get worse from a phone conversation. 

"Hello, Rufus Humphrey here", I said with a toneless voice. I didn't have the energy to sound happy. 

"Hello, Mr. Humphrey. My name is Doctor Smith. I'm calling from the General Hospital in Boston. I'm afraid I have some bad news." The man was talking seriously and steady. 

I pulled myself up and my head spun around. Hospital in Boston? Neither Dan og Jenny was living there. "I don't understand," I said my voice shaking a bit. 

"Your son is dead I am afraid." The doctor said quickly. My world turned up side down. Dan was dead. What was this crazy mess. I was shaken all over my body and I could feel the tears running down my cheek. 

"Dan is....is....is dead?" I asked. 

"What, no Mr. Humphrey. It is a man called Scott. We know he is not living with you, but he said that in case he would pass away, he would like his real father and mother to know as well. So now I'm calling you. And I'm very sorry to tell you this." The doctor replied. 

I was so confused. Scott was dead. I hadn't seen him since Dan and Serena's wedding, which was quiet some time ago. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. Even though I hadn't been there for him like a real father would, Scott would always have a special place in my heart. He was after all my son. And Lily's too.

"Have you called his mother?" I asked with desperation. She deserved to know it too. 

"No, I was just about to, but I can't reach her on the phone unfortunately." The doctor said with disappointment in his voice. 

"Dont worry," I said not really thinking, "I will tell her in person." The doctor thanked me and told me where to find Scott, when I came to the hospital if I wanted to say goodbye. And of course I did. I pulled myself together and started running towards Lily's apartment. I had to tell her now. Something inside of me lighted up, when I came to the building. Vanya was still the doorman and I smiled and waved to him, when he made eye contact. 

"Rufus, what a nice surprise to see you here again! What brings you back?" Vanya hugged me and smiled. I explained him the situation and he looked like he was about to cry too. He let me in and I jumped right in the elevator, lifting me up to the highest floor. The door opened and suddenly I felt breathless. What was I thinking? I couldn't just walk in here, telling Lily that our son is dead. I lost all of my courage, when I stepped out of the elevator. I walked slowly in the apartment, which seemed awfully quiet. I heard foodsteps and I looked towards the couch, where Lily was sitting, alone, drinking tea. She looked so innocent and lovely, as she was sitting there with the fire behind her. I started walking towards her and when she heard the footsteps, she looked up. Her eyes looking like she'd seen a ghost, which I practically also was. She stood up, and I could see the nervous look in her eyes. I smiled. I didn't now what else to do. 

"Hi Lil," I said sounding very awkward, but nonetheless still smiling.

It took Lily a couple of seconds before she smiled back and answered: "Hey Rufus, what brings you here?" She walked towards me and I suddenly remembered, why I was there. My brain wouldn't work properly. All I could think of was, how wonderful she was looking. 

I pulled myself together. "I have some bad news, Lil," I said with grief in my voice. She walked even closer to me and tilted her head a bit. "Lily, I just got a phone call from a doctor. He told me that Scott is dead." I exhaled. I said it. 

"What..." Lily's voice was suddenly shaking and her eyes flickering. "When? How? Why? How do you know?" Lily looked at me. 

"It was Scott's last wish. He wanted his real parents to know. He wanted us to say goodbye to him, I guess." I tried to sound secure when I was speaking. I could see how much this affected Lily. Her face suddenly became pale and she looked worse. She was trying to say something, but couldn't. Instead she almost exhaled my name before falling towards the ground. I had already predicted the situation and ran towards her, catching her before she hit the ground. Now she was laying in my arms. I put her on the sofa and wrapped her in a blanket, whilst trying to wake her up. I could still feel her heartbeat, which made me a little more calm. After a couple of minutes, she slowly opened her eyes and gave me a little smile. 

"Thank you for always being there when I need it."