Lily and Rufus: With all of my heart

Chapter 3 - See you again

The limo stopped right in front of the hospital. Suddenly I realized what we were going to do. Go see a dead, young man. My son. I was shaking. The driver opened the door for me and I stepped out slowly. It was cold, but of course we were almost in december. I'd forgotten my jacket at home and I was only wearing a thin sweater. I felt something on my shoulder and I turned around to see Rufus standing with his jacket holding it up to me, indicating I had to put it on. I did without saying anything but giving him a thankful look. 

We walked in the hallway, when a doctor greeted us. Rufus shook his hand and introduced me to the Doctor, whose name was Smith. He lead us upstairs on the third floor and towards a small room. Outside there was 2 people standing and crying. I quickly recognised them as the two, who had lied to us about Scott and Andrew. But surprisingly enough I wasn't mad. All I wanted was to cry with them. They saw us and the man shook Rufus hand and the lady gave him a hug. I walked right after and gave them both a hug. None of us said anything. The atmosphere said it all. 

"Mr Humphrey and Mrs. Van der Woodsen you can go in a say goodbye. Remember he changed a lot, since he past away this night." The doctor opened the door and we went in. And there he was laying. All pale and small. His eyes were closed and his arms was laying nicely down the side. Rufus snuffled and walked towards him. He grabbed his hand, pressed it and said: "See you again, Scott. You'll never be forgotten. Thank you for the light you brought with you. Heaven has just got an angel." 

I couldn't move. I was just starring into nothing. I was looking at how careful Rufus put Scott's hand back and walked backwards away. Rufus turned to me with tears in his eyes. I'd never seen him so sad. 

The door opened and Scott's adoptive parents came crying in with the doctor. They sat next to the bed, holding each other. Rufus placed himself next to me and I don't know why, but I took his hand in mine. All I wanted was for him to hug me. Hold me tight. I needed him. He held my hand tight and pressed it. It gave me goosebumps all over my body. The doctor started speaking about Scott's will and how the funeral was going to be. I only listened with one ear. I was only looking at Scott's dead body. Suddenly I heard my name and I looked at the doctor. 

"To my real mom and dad, I want them to be happy. Even though we didn't spend much time together, I knew that I always had a home with you. My last wish is for the two of you to figure things out. I hate seeing you separated. You belong together and deep in your hearts, you know it's true. Therefore with my dead, I'm giving you the opportunity to fix things between you. I love you, and I'll see you again some day." The doctor finished and I could feel my heart pump rapidly. I looked at Rufus, who was standing also speechless. He was still holding my hand tight and I could feel his pulse. We looked around in the room and they were all smiling sadly. 

Rufus pov:

"He was a good boy", I said walking still holding hands with Lily. I didn't want to let go. Scott's letter was so emotional and it had left me and Lily breathless. She was crying. Not out loud but the tears streamed down. Lily nodded and snuffled. I squeezed her hand and she looked at me with sorrow in her eyes. Suddenly someone screamed at us and a team of paparazzi people came running towards us. She then let go of my hand and took a step aside. The hospital workers made them go away and a couple of minutes later, we were alone again. 

"I'm sorry, Rufus. I can't do it. I have to go home." She sounded all distant and weird. Like changed from one moment to another. 

"Lil, we have to be there to the funeral. I'll be there the whole time. Don't worry." I said softly. 

"I... I can't. I'm sorry Rufus, but I have to go home." She walked away from me, but I wouldn't let her go so easily. I ran after her and grabbed her from the behind, spinning her around. "Lil, you can't back out. I know you wan't to say goodbye." I really tried to sound steady in my voice. 

"Rufus, let go. Don't follow me. I want nothing to do with you. I don't need you," She said without looking at me. She pulled her arm to herself and left me standing there alone. She walked towards the forest that was laying in front of us. I had no idea, where she was going but with no jacket, she wouldn't last long, and that concerned me. 

"Lily, where are you going? It's ice cold. Come on. Please" I begged but she didn't react. She kept walking away and I did nothing to stop her. I was paralyzed. She didn't want me to be there for her. It felt like someone told her to walk away from me. 

Lily's pov: 

It was really cold. I was so stupid, but I had to walk away. We'd been holding hands. And I suddenly felt something for him again. And I wouldn't allow that. I knew, I had some explaining to do. The paparazzi had probably gotten pictures of me and Rufus, and William would be furious. 

It was already getting dark and I had no idea, where I was. All I could see around me was a lot of trees and they all looked the same. What have done, I thought to myself. I took my phone and tried calling Serena, but she was not picking up. I don't even know why I would call her. But I didn't dare to call William. A bird chirped somewhere in the dark and I heard some uncomfortable noises behind me. And out of nowhere I started crying. Out loud. I cried, and cried and cried. I couldn't stop. My life was suddenly one big mess. And all I wanted was to be home, but instead I was standing in a big, dark forest. 

"Help!" I screamed. I don't know why. Now one would be out her at this time. 

"Please help me." I screamed, whilst crying. I was a total mess. I sat down. Everything didn't matter anymore. I had no light in my life. I had left Rufus. My kids were grown-ups and had their own life. William was never home. And now I was trapped in a forest a night in November. I placed my hands and head on my knees, so I was sitting with my face looking down in the ground. I was still crying a lot. 

"You may say that you don't need me. But I need you, Lily. And I will never let go." I recognized his voice right away. I looked up and Rufus was standing with a lantern in one hand and a blanket in the other. I gasped. He was looking so sweet with his little smile. Like he didn't care at all about me yelling at him earlier. He looked at me like no-one else had ever looked at me. He actually looked at me. Not just how I looked. But even deeper. He looked inside of me. He put the lantern down and held his hand towards me. I waited a little while but grabbed his arm and he pulled me up. He wrapped me in the blanket and put an arm around my waist. We started walking. We said nothing but it felt wonderful walking close with him again.