Lily and Rufus: With all of my heart

Chapter 4 - Funeral

I was standing outside the church. I felt so torn apart. I wanted to go in and say goodbye to Scott, but on the other hand I actually didn't want that. I just wanted him to be back. I was wearing a black dress with laces on the upper part. I wore my favorite necklace and a big silver ring with a tiny heart in the middle. It reminded me of Rufus. He gave it to me once and I thought to myself that I wasn't going to wear that. There was no diamond. And now I feel like it's the best gift ever. I was really mean back then. 

The bells started ringing and my heart beat faster. Rufus came walking towards me from the church, looking very sad but nonetheless smiling. He didn't say anything at first but reached out for my hand. I took it and suddenly everything felt easier. We walked hand in hand into the church and sat up front. I didn't care that people were looking. I just fell safe in his presence. To my surprise everyone was here: I looked around and saw Dan and Vanessa 3 rows behind us. They were also holding hands and it made me happy to see. I also saw Serena, who had brought Nate, sitting almost in the end. She smiled and waved, when we got eye contact and I smiled back. She had found love in Nate and I was so happy for her. She had been so happy lately and it made me happy deep inside. Eric was also here with his boyfriend Oliver. And Jenny, who had changed distinctively, was sitting next to them with her blond hair and girly look, holding hands with Eric. Everyone was here and it made me happy that we were gathered together again. 

It was a really beautiful funeral and I cried a lot. I didn't let go of Rufus' hand once but kept a tight grasp to it. We said goodbye to Scott and walked slowly away and out. 

"Mom." Serena came from behind and hugged me. "How are you?" She sounded worried. I didn't know what to say but hugged her back and cried a bit more. 

"It's weird. He is really gone." I said with a shaky voice. 

"And so is the last thing that kept you and Rufus together, Mom. Now you can finally move on." Serena said looking a bit angry. "Why isn't Dad here? You should have told him," she said with a annoyed tone. 

"Hey Serena," Rufus came walking towards us and gave her a hug. "Can I speak with you for a moment?" He looked at her, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. Why did he have to speak with her alone? 

Rufus pov:

"Yeah okay, sure." Serena said and I let her away with me.  

"Please, don't be so hard on your mother." I started. She looked at me definitely irritated. "She called your father. But he declined the call. She sent him a text yesterday, which he hasn't replied to. She did everything to get in touch with him, but your father won't answer." I said. 

Serena looked like a ghost. "I hate him so damn much," she started, but I hushed her. "He is such a bad human. He promised he would be there for Mom. And I really believed him. And now he is just gone." Serena was furious. 

"Hey sweetie. It's not your issue. This is between your mom and dad, alright? I know it's weird seeing me with Lil again, but she was a big part of my life and our son has just passed away." I said with hope in my voice. 

Serena looked at me, smiled and said: "I'm so happy that she has you, Rufus. Please help her." She gave me a hug and walked back to Nate. Dan and Jenny was speaking with Lily and it made me happy to see. I walked over to them and we started talking and it felt so good. 

"What are you thinking about?" I asked and looked worriedly at Lily. She was walking so quietly towards the car. It had been a few ours and we were now ready to take home. Lily was walking was a bag in one hand and the other one placed deep in her pocket. We sat in the limo and started heading back to New York. None of us said anything, so I started humming and singing quilly one of the songs, I'd been working on. (Again a Celine Dion song, but I'm a huge fan)

"For all those times you stood by me. For all the truth that you made me see." I began. I could feel Lily move around and look at me. I kept on going: "For all the joy you brought to my life. For all the wrong that you made right. For every dream you made come true. For all the love I found in you." Lily sobbed and I paused. I looked at her and with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice she asked me to play it on the guitar. I grabbed it and played on: 

"I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me"

I stopped. I meant every word I sang. And she knew it. She knew it was for her. I could feel her breath. She was surprised. I wrote her a lovesong. A song, where I thanked her for everything. Even though everything had ended in a big mess, I loved her with all of my heart. She was my one and only love. And it really helped writing it down into a song. 

"You were my whole world too, Rufus. I'm sorry things had to end this way. I still don't know we let it go so far." She looked me straightly into my eyes and for the first time and could see her. I saw the Lily that I'd been madly in love with. The Lily that could make my heart beat twice the speed. I lied my hand on the seat between us, facing up and Lily grabbed it. We sat there in silence for a while, until she said: "I will always love you." She didn't look at me, but I could hear in her voice that she meant it. I smiled.