Lily and Rufus: With all of my heart

Chapter 2 - Move on

I gave her the cup of steaming tea, while I looked at her with concerned eyes. Actually she didn't look well. She looked older and in pain, which properly was normal, because I just told her, her son is dead.

"What do we do?" She looked at me nervously. All I wanted was to give her a big huge and just to hold her in my arms, but I also knew that wouldn't be right. She and I had too much history and she was married to someone else, who really hated my gut. Hugging her would not be the right choice.

"I suggest that we go to Boston and say goodbye to him. Attend his funeral too." I tilted my head, trying to make eye contact with her, but she was looking down avoiding my eyes.

"Okay, I will go up and pack my stuff and see you in Boston." She stood up, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her down again. She looked all shocked. She wasn't really expecting me to touch her. But I wanted to show her that she couldn't just do, what she wanted. I was there as well.

"Lil, I'm not letting you travel on your own. We're going together. He is our son" I stressed the word our in order for her to understand. She still wouldn't look at me and I started to get worried. What had changed so much that she couldn't bare to look at my face?

"Was, Rufus. There is a distinct difference. Now we don't have a son anymore." She stood up and walked towards the kitchen with her cup. This time I didn't do anything. She was really distant. She was standing with her back against me and I didn't know that to say. She sighed loudly.

"I know. It was wrong of me to come here. I'm sorry Lily." I walked to the elevator and went down. I could feel the pain in my heart. But what did I expect? Lily and I weren't together anymore and she had moved on. Now I came bumping back into her life and of course she would do anything to push me away. Vanya was standing in the door, looking curious at me.

"How did it go?" He said, but he could already see the answer in my face. I looked down and was about to pass him, when he put his arm in the way. I looked at him and he pointed with his eyes towards, where I just came from. I turned around and saw Lily running towards us. She was crying.

"I would like to say goodbye. But I don't want to do it alone."

I gave her a little smile. I knew she would do the right thing in a situation like this.

Lily's pov:

I was looking out the window, watching everything we passed. I couldn't concentrate on anything so I just starred out. We were driving on the highway to Boston. Rufus had convinced me that we had to say goodbye to Scott. Even though he couldn't hear us but that was beside the point according to Rufus. It was so weird sitting next to him again. We hadn't seen each other for a long time, and when he showed up this morning, I'd panicked. He was my whole world once. My great love. And suddenly it was over. I'd behaved extremely badly towards the end. I'd been a monster. But I had to get him to break up with me. I never told him. And I was never going to. But as we were driving, something inside of me changed. He was always going to be a part of my life. Even though Dan and Serena had gotten a divorce, I would never give up on seeing Rufus. He was a big part of my life.

"You must be thinking some deep thoughts" Rufus said, waking me up from my daydreaming.

"Well. I'm just sad. So I'm trying to think of something else." I said not looking at him. I couldn't get myself to look him in the eyes. His beautiful eyes that melted my heart every time.

"Yeah, me too." He said in a low voice. I looked around in the limo. My bag was standing in the seat in front of me and I suddenly realized that Rufus had brought his guitar.

"Do you still play?" I asked looking at the instrument. Rufus nodded and took it up.

"I haven't really been writing anything new lately. I kind of lost sight of everything for a while." He seemed so sad. I wanted to cheer him up in some way because I knew how he felt. Nothing had been the same, since their divorce and I really wanted things to go back to normal.

"It's almost Christmas. You'll have to make a jingle." I said smiling. He looked down still very sad.

"I kind of made something. But I didn't finish it. It has nothing to do with Christmas though." He said whilst packing the guitar out of the case. He started playing very softly and gently. A new melody I had never heard before. And then he started singing with his beautiful voice: (I know it's a Celine Dion song, but it was a perfect match.)

"Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go 'til we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on"

He stopped playing and looked at me. I was blown away. I could feel the tears running down my face. Now I knew. H'd moved on. For real. I don't even know why I was surprised. Of course he had moved on. But a part of me didn't want that. As weird as it may sound.

"I know it's not what I normally play, but the lyrics came to me one day. And I felt the need to write them down." He packed his guitar away and I wanted to tell him, how beautiful the song was. But I couldn't. He had left me speechless. He turned aside and looked out the window. I dried my eyes and did the same. But my heart was pumping faster now. I had realized something. Something that I wanted to forget. Something I shouldn't feel.

I missed him.