Day Dream At Night

How I Came to Peace With Being Raped

I've had these thoughts in my mind for the past year, and I want a place to write it all down, and try to explain my side of things. 

From the ages of 4 to 7, I was being raped. Periodically. Every once in a while, when this person was around, they would opt to spend time with me, claiming to want to see me. I was being raped, and I never put up a fight. 

No one had ever explained to me what to do when this happened, or even that this stuff happened at all. How was I suppose to know how to stand up to someone when I could barely stand at all? I was being told that this is what is suppose to happen, and that if I told anyone I would be sent away. I don't want to be away from mommy and daddy, now would I? 

Brainwashed. I was a child, and he was the one who was sick. I was not stolen, I was not less of a human. I was brainwashed, because I was a child. I did not realize what was happening. 

My parents caught him in the act. They sent him away, and sent me to therapy. Everything he said was a lie. 

I blocked out all those memories, and they came flooding back at age 11. I went through a major depression, and let the memories conquer me. I thought that this was what I was suppose to do.

After I had lost all of my best friends, permanently damaging some relationships, and scarred myself, I started to see myself as human again, but not the same. I came to the realization that I cannot change what happened, I can only move forward without letting me affect me. 

Dawson told me not to let it conquer me, and I don't. 

This isn't a long segment, but its on my mind. I thought it would be better to vent on here before i talked myself out of it. 

This is what happened to me, but it is not the same as everyone. Do not confuse my experience for all, please. 

And if anything has happened to any of my readers, please know that you are not unworthy of anything. You survived, and wear your strength for everyone to see.