facedown ↣ hood {au}

facedown; part 1

Face down in the dirt,

she said, "This doesn't hurt",

she said, "I finally had enough."

One day she will tell you that she has had enough

He's coming round again.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?

Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's gon' to end

as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found

☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹☹

Felicity; the act of being happy. Felicity also happens to be my name and the meaning of my name couldn't be anymore wrong. I haven't been happy in a really long time.

Lets face it my life sucks ass. I'm depressed, suicidal, anorexic, and I have some weird "schizoid personality disorder." Oh yeah did I mention my parents know all of this?

Last month one of my "friends," Abbie, "accidentally" let it slip to my mom that I'm one screwed up motherfucker. And ever since then both my parents have been nonstop up my ass checking in on me. I can barely go to the bathroom without my mom peeking her head in to make sure everything's alright. On top of that every Friday I have to go to a stupid psychiatrist to help me cope with all my many many problems.

Abbie claims she said something to my mom because she was getting "worried" about me, but I know her true intentions. She revealed this news on the day of our friend Serenity's charity banquet. Every year Serenity has this huge party to raise awareness for violence against women. She always makes those parties over the top because she wants it to be a memorable experience for everyone. Trust me when I say she accomplished that goal because I will never forget that night as long as I shall live.

So this banquet was the first social appearance I made outside of school ever since last year at the last banquet. I was making my way around the outdoor patio trying to avoid any human contact when I saw him: Calum Hood. He was just standing there all alone looking at the sky and if you know Calum Hood you know how rare this is. I had no idea what to do since we were the only ones out there. I didn't know whether to approach him, but knowing me I had a feeling I would frick that up in more ways then one. Or should I just pretend he's not there, but that could also cause major awkward tension because he's Calum motherfucking Hood and I was well aware of his presence. I was basically having a huge argument with myself. I finally decided to just leave him alone because there was a certain way he looked, a way I've never seen him look before, he just seemed like he wanted to be alone.

I've always admired Calum from afar, well I've always admired everyone from afar. The only person I really talk to is Serenity (I used to talk to Abbie but you'll soon figure out why I don't anymore). I always find people fascinating, stupid at times, but fascinating. The way they all flaunt themselves around without a care in the world. The way they love themselves and others. The way they all socialize, I know I sound really creepy right now, but the fact that other people out there don't have to be afraid of their own minds just intrigues me.

Anyway back to the patio, the look on Calum's face wasn't like any face I've ever seen him wear. He's always so happy and upbeat hanging out with his popular friends, but his face, it was a face I know really well. It was the look of self-doubt borderline self-hate. I felt like I should saying something, but then again when I get like that (which is 95% of my day) I hate when people try to talk to me and try to cheer me up. In the end most of them usually walk away thinking they've helped when really most of them only make me feel worse about myself. So that's when I decided to just let Calum be.

I went to turn around and leave when, me being me, I plowed my thigh into the sharp corner of one of those patio tables. This ultimately caused Calum to turn around snapping out of the trance he was just in. "Hey are you alright?" he asked me.

I tried so desperately to act normal,but I can barely speak to my parents unawkwardly how was I gonna talk to Calum Hood? It took me a second to think of a response, but I finally stuttered something along the lines of, "yeah I'm good."

"Hey haven't I seen you around school?" he questioned.

Well considering we've had 4th period biology, 7th period math, and 8th period study hall all four years of high school together I assume yes you would have seen me around. But instead of saying that I just said a simple, "yeah I think so."

"Well let me formally introduce myself I'm Calum Hood and you are?"

"Felicity, Felicity Jones," I said avoiding eye contact.

"Felicity is such a beautiful name," Calum complimented.

I gave Calum an awkward smile and try to muster up a "thank you" but I'm not quite sure if it came out.

"Felicity can I tell you something," Calum said very seriously staring me in the eyes.

"Sure," I whispered.

"Your thigh it's bleeding."

And that it was. When I looked down I was very shocked to see a long line of blood streaming down my leg. I quickly grabbed a handful of napkins in effort to stop the bleeding. Calum also grabbed some napkins like the gentleman he is and tried to help me. This is when Abbie comes into the story. So as Calum and I were awkwardly trying to stop my thigh bleeding outside on the patio I looked up to see Abbie behind the sliding glass door in the kitchen glaring at me.

You see Abbie has had a crush on Calum (like every other girl in our school) ever since she first laid eyes on him. That day in the kitchen Abbie looked furious and brokenhearted all at the same time. I tried to explain it wasn't was it looked like, but Abbie is very stubborn and once she thinks she knows something you can't change her mind. Abbie stormed off and at the time I assumed she was just going to let off steam, but a few minutes later I found out where she really went.

Calum and I had finally subsided the bleeding of my punctured thigh when out of no where comes my frazzled mother storming onto the patio.

"Felicity Jones! Why have't you told your father and I that you were depressed and suicidal? Abbie told me you cut yourself is this true? Have you been eating because looking at you you are starting look anorexic?! Oh my come on we are going home right now to tell your father and then we are going straight to a psychiatrist!"

And with that my mother yanked me away to the beginning of a new kind of hell I'm still living to this day. I still can't believe Abbie would do something like this to me. She knows exactly how my mother gets, my mom doesn't think when she hears news like that she just acts on impulse. Not only did Abbie go behind my back and purposely tell my mom out of spite, but she also made sure Calum Hood was right there when the true me was exposed. Disgusting.

Because of Abbie I'm in an even worse mental state now then I was a month ago. I used to be able to come home and just escape everything, but now I can't even do that. Between my parents reminding me every ten seconds that I'm a demented freak, literally not even giving me enough room to breathe and my psychiatrist who keeps bringing up my many many problems my life really does suck ass.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention another thing as of right now my parents are driving me to the mental institution to check me in.

A mental institution.

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A/N

HI GUYS IM BACCCKKKK!!!! I FINALLY WROTE THE FIRST CHAPTER AND I KINDA LIKE IT!!!! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK OKAY!!!! well i love u guys a lot okay <3 ~brittney

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