Bad Obsessions - Phan *TW*

2.0

AN: Includes mentions of suicide attempts, smoking, drugs and includes swearing.

I'm woken up from my light sleep by a cat. 

You may think it's weird to be woken up by a cat, but unless you're homeless yourself you just wouldn't understand. You wake up from any noise trying to protect yourself from getting mugged or even murdered. I sometimes question whether this life is worth it, I question why I'm alive. Three times I've tried to kill myself, but nothing works. I feel I'm just cursed. I'm meant to suffer in this world. 

It's not even light outside. I can see the sun rising though, which is a sign I may have got a few hours of sleep. 

I pick up my bag and start heading towards my bench. Whilst walking I decided to roll myself a joint to take me away from this fucked up society even for a short while. The taste is a comfort to me, I guess you could say it's another bad obsession of mine. 

As I approach my bench, I see some other guy sat on it. 

Well, whoever it is he can fucking move  because its my bench, always has been and always will be! 3 months I've been on that bench sleeping - he will move or I'll make him move. 

I throw the joint on the floor before lowering my voice.

"Oi. You. Get. Off. My. Bench."

"Excuse me, sir?" He looks up at me frightened, not knowing whether to move or whether to stay. One thing I do notice is that he has bright blue eyes - I've always been a sucker for blue eyes. 

"I said get off my bench."

"Well, I think you'll find this is a park and I can sit where I like thank you."  

If anyone else had said this to me, I would be fighting them but he seems too innocent to hurt.

"Well budge up so i can at least sit next to you, considering it's my bench."

He giggles at this - I don't know why, but I'm not going to ask. He does look cute when he laughs though...he sticks out his tongue with his goofy smile. He's the first person in a while that hasn't hurled abuse at me or physically attacked me. 

I get out a cigarette and light it up. He stares at me whilst I do this with a disgusted and shocked look on his face.  

"What are you looking at?" 

He smiles at me before answering "You." 

"Well, why are you staring at me then Mr smart-ass." 

"Because that's a bad addiction to have - you shouldn't smoke." He seems really concerned for me not that he would even care.

"I shouldn't do a lot of things, but I do anyway, everyone dies eventually." I look him straight in the eyes when I say this just to prove my point even more. 

"Aren't you Mr Depression all of a sudden." He giggles whilst he says this, but I just end up glaring at him.

"My names actually Dan, thanks. The D stands for disappointment actually."

"Oh well, I'm ever so sorry Dan for getting that mixed up! My names Phil." He offers his hand out to shake which I do trying to act somewhat normal and not my socially inept self. 

I throw my cigarette butt to the ground and light up another looking at the sun rise. 

"You really shouldn't smoke this much Dan... it's not good for you. Oh, and I didn't ask..erm well.. how is this your bench exactly?"

"Because I've slept on it for 3 months now, what's it to do with you anyway." I pause for a few seconds before answering again: "I have bad obsessions okay? I have three - drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. If you have a problem with that, then leave. I'm sick and tired of being judged by everyone and everything so you know what. Just leave." 

"Dan..I'm sorry..I had no idea."

"No. You wouldn't have an idea, nobody has the slightest idea what it's like to sleep alone on the streets. Abuse thrown at you just for being different. I bet you have a nice family that look after you and care about you. Hell, I bet you have a nice big house and everything." 

"I know what it's like to be abused for being different Dan. I live on my own actually - my best friend committed suicide a few years ago now. You can stay in the spare room until you get back on your feet." 

"I don't want your pity Phil."

"Oh trust me Dan, I'm not sorry for you." 

"Well, fine. I will stay there for a night or two, but that's it." 

I take out the box of sterlings from my hoodie and open them up. 

Shit - this is my last one.

Phil must have seen the look on my face whilst lighting the cigarette up because before I'm even half way through he gets up and starts to walk. 

"You leaving me already?" I knew this would happen. Broken promises again. Nothing new. 

Without even turning around, he replies "No. You can follow me. I thought you'd want some more cigarettes before heading to the flat. You know to help you with your 'bad obsessions'." 

"Don't be a shit with me Phil. I'm capable of more than you think."

"Whatever Danny! You coming or not?"

I chase after him, but he's already gone into the shop time I get there. I decide to wait outside looking around at the people going to their jobs. People don't realise how lucky they are to be earning money when there are people with nothing. 

I guess I must've zoned out because before I know it, I have 4 packs of cigarettes thrown at me. 

"Oh thanks, I guess." I look down at his hands and see he has a bag full of food and drinks for us both to have. He must actually care. For once in my life I have a genuine smile on my face; I haven't done that in awhile, but fuck he seems worth it.

"We should get going." he says to me already walking ahead. I awkwardly do this running walk trying to catch up with him, but when I finally reach him, he stops at a block of flats and starts to open the door. 

This was it. I was at Phils flat.