Living with Styles

twenty-two

I carry her sleeping body up the stairs.
The traumatic experience was obviously all too much for her. I think it could have brought back too many memories of the night of our own mother's death.

I lay Bella in her unmade bed and pull the covers over her shoulders. I give her a light kiss on the forehead, like I imagine my mother doing when I was hurt or sick.

"Goodnight, Bella."

-

*Bella's POV*

I saw my entire life flash before my eyes.

It was too close.

Way too close.

I was scared out of my wits. Scared that I would lose my own life the same way my mother lost hers. But even worse, I was scared I might lose Harry. That I literally would have no one.

I've been awake for at least an hour, replaying the scene of my mother's death and my scene from last night.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey." Harry smiles from my bedroom door. He's holding a plate of scrambled eggs and sizzling bacon. "I made you breakfast in bed. I thought you could use a day of rest after-" he pauses. "After last night."

I hold my arms out and motion for him to bring me my breakfast.

He just stands in the doorway.

I furrow my eyebrow and hold my arms out longer.

"Sorry, I'm not allowed in your room anymore." He shrugs his right shoulder. "You make the rules."

I roll my eyes and Harry lets out a small giggle.

"Bring it here, you dipthong." My lips turn up into a small smile.

He puts the plate on my lap. The heat from the plate warms my thighs through the blanket. I grab the fork from Harry and start eating.

"Thank you." I say with my mouth full.

"No problem." He smiles and starts walking towards the door.

"Harry?" I say. He turns his head to face me. "Uh, never mind."

He raises his right eyebrow and looks at me confusedly. "Okay, then. I'll be on my way."

I was about to tell Harry to come and sit on my bed, so I could tell him about the night of mom's death. I decided against it at the last minute because, I don't know. Do I really need a reason?

-

"Bella!" Liam exclaims, pulling me into an embrace.

"Hey, Liam." I say into his chest.

"Bells." Louis opens his arms for a hug.

I pull away from Liam and wrap my small arms around Louis's torso.

"How've you been, babe?" He whispers into my curly hair.

"Things are getting better, I think." I look up at his partially facial haired covered smiling face.

"That's great." He pulls away from the embrace and leaves to greet Harry in the kitchen.

"Zayn!" I exclaim.

"Hey, Bella." He smiles, giving me a small squeeze.

I feel two arms wrap around my waist and lift me up. I kick my legs in the air instinctively.

"Bella, babe!!" Says a thick Irish accent.

I giggle, still trying to get free from his grasp. "Hi, Niall."

"Long time, no see."

"Niall, it's been three days." He puts me down.

His face turn serious and he looks me in the eyes. "A lot can happen in three days."

I furrow my eyebrows worriedly.

Niall leans his blonde head back in a fit of laughter. "I'm just kiddin', Bella!" He says in between laughs. "Boy, you looked so worried! Like someone was gonna die or somethin'!"

I look down at my hands and tears brim my eyes. Liam rubs my back in comforting circles.

Niall stops his laughing as he realizes what he just said. "I-I'm so sorry, Bella." He starts. "I-I didn't mean it like that-" He puts his palm to his forehead. "God, I'm such an idiot, I'm so sorry, I just- I forgot. I'm so sorry."

I walk up to him, still lightly crying. I look up at his eyes and manage a small smile. "It's fine, Niall. It's not your fault." I say. "It's not anybody's fault but mine, really."

Niall pulls me into a warm embrace. "It wasn't your fault, Bells."

"Yeah, I know." I agree. "It was Harry's."

Did those words really just come out of my mouth?

Niall pulls away awkwardly. Liam and Zayn are wide eyed.

I feel my face flush and I look down at the floor. They all walk out of the room.

-

Dinner is silent, except for the occasional 'Can you pass the salt.'

This situation is extremely awkward and I know it's all because of me.

What was I thinking? Saying my mother's death was Harry's fault.

Deep, deep, deep down, I know it's not his fault. But it just feels good to blame someone.

I take the last bite of my food as Liam gets up. "I think it's best we get going." He forces a smile and nods.

"Bye." I manage to say in a small voice. Harry doesn't say anything and they all leave without another word.

"What exactly did you say?" Harry asks from across the table.

"I-" He'll hate me even more if I tell him the truth. "Nothing." I look down at my empty plate. "I said nothing."

Harry looks at me with dark emerald green eyes. "It wasn't nothing, Isabella." He says firmly. I can tell he's very upset and would like to know what I said that made tonight's dinner so unpleasant.

I look back down at my plate, not answering.

Harry slams his large fist down on the table. "Tell me what you said!"

Tears brim my eyes. "I said it was your fault!" I stand up abruptly. I lower my voice, "I said it was your fault."

He stands up. "What?" His voice is stern.

"I said my mother's death was your fault." Tears are streaming down my cheeks and I choke on my words.

Harry sits down in his chair and rests his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees.

"Harry, I know it wasn't your fault." I swallow hard. "I regretted it as soon as I said it. It wasn't your fault, I'm
sor-"

He puts his hand up to silence me. "It was my fault."

"No, it wasn't, Harry." More tears flow from my puffy eyes. "It was-"

"If I wouldn't of left, none of this would've ever happened!" He snaps.

He looks upset. I can't tell if it's with me or with himself.

His neck veins pop out as he clenches his jaw and paces around the room.

"Harry, I-" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Leave." He states. "Please."

I don't want to upset him anymore, so I reluctantly go upstairs to my room.