Random Stuff that everyone will love

Funny Quotes 7/10/2010

Hey everybody!! Not that I know many people at this time... sigh.... but this is a list of random quotes I found on the internet. Okay... now read or die!!!!!!

Always forgive your enemys- nothing annoys them so much

If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why is it that when your talking ot God, it's called praying, but when God's talking to you, your schizophrenic?

Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is, to make mistakes whn no one is looking.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit down and stare at it for hours.

Where there's a will, there's 500 relatives.

Everyody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

It's not cheating unless you get caught.

To avoid hangovers, stay drunk.

Most people are only alive, because it's illega to shoot them.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Me are like steel; both are worthless when they loose there temper.

I am the person my parents warn me about!

You know there is a problem with the education system when ou realize tha out of the 3r's only one of them begin with r

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Albert Einstein)

It's better to seem stupid then open your mouth and remove all doubt. (Mark Twain)

I have an answer to ANY question you ask me: I don't know.

I believe in equality for everyone... except reporters and photographers.

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politition because it mkes a lot of noise and doesn't work well.

I just broke up with someone. The last thing he said was "You'll never find anyone like me." And I replyed: " I should hope not, If I didn't like YOU, why would I like someone LIKE you?

Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling it brings.

The man who smiles when something goes wrong is a man who found someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?!" she sneered. I replied ina psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.

Our bombs are smarter than the average highschool student. At least htey can find kuwait.

I have six locks on my doorall in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking at the locks, they'll always lock three of them.

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone threw her off of a boat in the middle of the lake. I said, Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The statistics of sanity are that one out of every four americans issuffering some some form of insanity. Think of your three best friends. If there okay, that means your not!

Now they show you how detergents can take out blood tains, pretty violebt image there. I think if you've got a T-Shirt with large bloodstains on it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body first.

Why does seaworld have a sea food restraunt? I'm halfwaythrough my fish sandwhich when I realize I could be eating a slow learner.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.