Mistakes of a Rock Star (Jensen Ackles FanFic)

11

I wasn't sure where I was going in my life after those few weeks with Jensen. I know I felt lost and almost like an empty shell. I hadn't heard anything from neither him nor Jared since I stormed out of the concert venue. I'm sure he hated me. And that was okay. Jensen hating me was easier than letting him think he cared about me.

I hadn't even finished looking at all the photos I had taken, and I knew I would have to soon. Even if it pained me. Eventually Jared would contact me for them. He had after all paid me to do them. It was only fair that I give him the product. That was the call I wasn't looking forward to. So instead of letting him call me I called him.

"Hey," I greeted as professional as I could considering the circumstances.

"Hey," he returned with a somewhat surprised tone.

"I have the prints and the proofs if you are still interested in them," I informed him.

"Oh yeah thanks," shock still in his voice.

"I know things didn't go the way you had planned but you hired me to do a job and I finished it," I said sighing.

"No its okay, thank you I appreciate it," Jared told me.

"So I'll just send them over?" I asked unsure of how to go about delivering the images.

"Um actually I'll just have someone come pick them up," Jared insisted. Great Jared hated me too.

"Oh okay, that's fine," I tried to sound convincing but I knew I was failing miserably at it.

"Great, are you at a hotel or?" Jared question.

"Oh no I'm at my apartment, I'm packing for another tour," I announced as I looked around the trashed room. "I'm leaving in a few days if you want the photos before I go," I told him.

"Oh okay I can send someone over tomorrow," he assured me.

"That's perfect I'm sending you my address," I informed him texting him my information.

When the knock came on the door the next day I was sitting at my laptop preparing for my trip with the new band I had taken on.

"Coming hold on," I yelled standing up from the couch to answer the heavy door.

When I opened the door there he stood. His perfect chiseled jaw pointing downward. His hands deep in his black leather jacket, his eyes moving up to look at me before the rest of his face moved. Should have known Jared would send him.

"Jensen? What?" He moved forward to try to barge in. I tried to slam the door in his face but he pushed forward.

"Jensen go away," I demanded.

"Not until you talk to me," he grunted against the door. Where was all this damn upper body strength coming from?

"Why?" I gasped pushing with all my might against the door.

"Cause you are going to tell me what the hell happened between us," he insisted.

I grunted giving in as I let him inside.

"I'm not talking to you," I stated as I walked toward where I had laid his pictures.

"Why? What did I do? Was I not good enough? Was it that horrific?" he was genuinely considered.

"No," I simply stated.

"Then what the hell happened? What did I miss? Cause I had a helluva good time," he assured me.

"Jensen this has nothing to do with you or your skills. If anything you're too good for me."

"Don't give me it's not you it's me bullshit, I want a real reason. Do you have a boyfriend I don't know about? Did you cheat on him or something?"

"No, it's nothing like that," I assured him.

"Then I give up, what the hell happened between us that was so bad? Cause I have been trying to figure it out and I can't. I enjoyed the weeks we spent together, I liked hanging out with you and talking to you. I liked you seeing my life outside of the everyday shit I live. And I don't regret any of it. And I sure as hell don't regret the last night we had together."

I felt defeated as he spoke. I didn't know what to say or how to react.

"You were never supposed to happen Jensen sleeping with you, none of it. You were supposed to be a job that was it. Hell a job I didn't even really wanna take on,"

"And you think you were supposed to happen to me? Hell no. I didn't wanna do some cheesy photo op campaign to try and fix my image."

"We crossed a line." I reminded him.

"And you don't work for me anymore," Jensen pointed out. "So no more lines to cross." There was a hunger in those emerald green eyes I had only seen once before, as he approached me pinning my back to the wall. Before I could protest, his mouth took mine possessing it as if it were his. My hands running through his short brown hair accepting the kiss with just as much passion. I wanted nothing more than him to take me again, and I don't know how I resisted but I pushed him away.

"I can't," I stated. When he pulled away from me the hunger still filled his eyes.

"We can't do this," I reiterated.

"Why?" Jensen questioned. A good question, one I didn't have an intelligent answer for.

"We just can't," he stared at me trying to read my expressions.

"I was offered a permanent position with the band," I blurted out. "If I take it I'll be leaving for San Diego after the tour."

"You can't," he pleaded.

"I can and I will if I feel like it's what I want," I told him sternly.

"You're scared. You are. Well you know what? So am I. But at least I'm not a coward. At least I have the courage to look at myself in the mirror and admit I love you," he shouted.

I swallowed back the anger almost offended. "You need to leave," I told him through a cracking voice. I wasn't sure if I was hurt or angry. "Take your prints and leave. NOW!" I ordered shoving the pictures and proofs into his arms.

"Fine but there's only one I want," he dug through all the photos scattering them about finding the one he wanted and hoisting it under my nose to show me. It was the picture he had taken of me at the ranch while I sang and he played with my camera. I hadn't even realized it was something he had done. I tried to hold the tears at bay but the next words he spoke cut, and they cut deep.

"This, this is the girl I need. The girl with that fire. You, I don't even know who you are," and he stormed out of the apartment slamming the front door. I shuddered at the sound as the tears slid down my cheeks.

I gazed around at the mess in front of me. Photos littered my floor as if they had become new tile. One of the first photos I took of his profile with him smiling stopped me. I picked it up staring at it. What right did he have? I wanted to crumble the photos up and throw them all away. But amongst the tears with blurry eyes I picked them all up one by one neatly. I was never going to see him again and it was my fault. He was right I was a coward.