To Keep It Secret // wattys2017

CHAPTER 11: AS SWEET AS A KNIFE

'Are you okay?' I hear Thomas say. He lays his hand on my knee and moves his thumb with gentle strokes. 'I'm okay. Go to Maya and Jacob. They don't need this drama during their party.' The boy nods and leaves the room. I lay myself down on Jacob's bed and close my now red and wet eyes. Millions of thoughts are rushing through my head. Was it too soon to make our relationship public? I know Jayden wouldn't like me being with Thomas but I have the right to choose who I date and if that's Thomas, then she has to live with that. I know Thomas and I just met but it feels like we know each other for years. He just understands me and knows what to do when I'm not feeling well. I felt that with Jayden too, but it's different with her. More complicated. I love Jayden as a friend but I love... No, I don't love Thomas but something like that can always come later on in a relationship. Love needs to grow, just like a flower in the Spring. Flowers need sunlight and water to grow, a relationship needs understanding and kindness. I have those things with Thomas. I spoke a lot with him this week and I just feel that connection. He told me about his father who is in jail. His father is a police officer. One day he got a mission to arrest a drugs dealer. He went to the hiding place of the dealer which was in the center of a ghetto. As he went into the old and dilapidated house someone fired gun shots. He wanted to defend himself and shoot someone who he thought was the shooter. Afterwards it appeared that the man he shot wasn't the one who fired on him. A police officer is not allowed to shoot someone innocent so the law was against him. Now he is in jail for defending himself. It's ridiculous. Thomas was broken after he heard what happened. That's why he reacted strange when I asked him about the kidnap that night. He was hurt and afraid he would end up in jail just like his father, without even doing something wrong. Honestly, I don't know who to believe... I don't get why one of the two is lying about the kidnapped girl. That night I asked Thomas about what happened and he actually told the same story as Nathan but then the kidnapper was Nathan instead of Thomas. I wish I knew who to believe. What I do know is that I want to give Thomas a shot.

I decide to go home. I'm not feeling okay right now and all I want is laying in my bed. I leave Jacob's room and walk down the stairs. 'Thanks for letting me stay in your room but I think it's better for me to go home.' I smile thankful and Jacob smiles back. 'Shall I walk you home?' Thomas asks worried. 'No thanks, I need some time for myself. I see you Monday.' I kiss his cheek gentle and grab my bag. Before I want to leave the house Maya stops me. 'Wait Camila! It's maybe weird to ask but you are probably the first one to see her. Jayden forgot her phone so is it okay if I give it to you?' I nod quiet and put the phone in my bag. 'See you Monday.' The girl hugs me. 'See you Monday Mila.'

When I'm home I decide to go to bed immediately. Today has tired me out. I cover myself with the soft sheets and grab a stuffed animal which is laying on the other side of the bed. I hold it in front of me and stare at the black plastic eyes of the bear. I remember the day I got this bear from Jayden. I was really sad because my mom and I got into a fight and she hurt me. I had bruises all over my arm. I got out of the house with the twins as fast as possible and all I could think of was going to Jayden. She makes me feel safe. I press the black stuffed bear against my chest and hug it. I was so scared but Jayden helped me to get the courage to go back home. She told me that I was brave and that it was good I finally stood up for myself. She told me she had to go to the mall to get a new hoodie and that I could wait in her room. She would be back in less than fifteen minutes. To be honest, it took longer than fifteen minutes. She was almost one hour away. I even though she wouldn't come back because maybe she went hanging out with a friend she met at the mall. After almost an hour the bell rang and I ran downstairs to open the door. She was standing in the doorway with her hands on her back like she was hiding something. She was smiling and took a step forward so she was standing closer to me. I asked her what she was hiding but instead of saying something she held a black cuddly teddy bear in front of me. I stood there with open mouth. The teddy bear wore a white shirt with a red heart on it. After standing there for a couple minutes she finally broke the silence by telling me it was a present for me to cheer me up. When I am feeling down I have to hug the teddy bear and think about how brave and amazing I am. It was the sweetest thing someone has ever done for me. She always knows to cheer me up. So maybe I was really selfish to start a relationship with Thomas. I know how much Jayden hates him. As always, I am stupid and selfish. I look at the shirt the teddy bear is wearing. The red heart lights up in the dark because it's made of glow in the dark fabric. I kiss the fluffy bear on its cheek. 'Sorry Jay...' I say to the teddy bear. I turn on my side and press the bear against my bare chest. I close my eyes and sink in my thoughts.