Not my heart to give (thiam)

Blame

Liam was still finding it hard somedays to not punch everyone who tried to speak to him, somedays their voices sounded like a reoccuring police siren in his head. Ever since the pack had spread out across near by towns and citys, Liams anger issues had flared back up, not having scott or an alpha ment he didnt feel like he was part of anything anymore. Mason had become enthralled by corey and visa versa, he never saw them leave eachothers side, or he never saw them, corey often hid them to kiss more intimately.

This often left liam alone, after all he no longer had hayden either. His mind often taunted and worked against him to make his life more miserable, tricking him into thinking he was more alone and left out than he really was. Stress was also increased for him, exams were becoming more and more important, studying became an anchor, having to do it instead of maybe going to masons. He had also quit the lacrosse team for a few months, hed told coach that anyway, he wasnt sure if hed join back. Since scott left, Dunbar had become the team captin, his team mates looked to him to create match plans and formations but he didnt have the time, neither did he have the effort or energy anymore. Everything seemed to becoming repetitive, pointless and ended in loneliness for Liam.

One change did happen that took Liam by suprise, but if it did anything, it made life harder for liam than it already was. Theo Raeken had come back to school, looking worse for wear. He was still sleeping in his car, having to pinch and steal for money to wash his clothes by the look of it, still he hadnt had a haircut or even styled it. Why was he back?

Liam didnt dwell on it, he simply ignored him for the last two months, not even making eye contact in the corridor, Theo didnt try any harder either, also blanking liam. Their first interaction since Theo returned was just a few days before when Liam caught Theo crying.

He'd walked into the bathroom at the far side of school, using that one because it was out of the way and never normally had anyone in it. Once he'd opened the door, he saw Theo, leaning of the sink, teeth protruding and tears dripping from his yellow eyes. Liam had stood and stared for a good few minutes, going un-noticed as the sound of Theos light, sobbing growls had covered the noise made by the door opening.

"Whats up? Did you see what you looked like?" Liam spat, since he felt isolated, his anger problems had led to him becoming faintly bitter, making comments that were less than unkind and not necessary.

Theo had ignored the jibe, drying his face on a mucky jacket sleeve and holding his eyes shut tight. Seconds later he opened them again, the yellow glow gone and his teeth back to normal. He pulled a cocky smile towards liam, yet his smile was perfect, teeth pure white and clean.
"No, but i did see yours walking in, got me emotional, i cant help but feel bad for idiots" his smile becoming a smirk.

As pathetic an attempt of a jibe as Theos was, it still made liam feel angry, he clenched his fits but kept his cool. "Are you going to need these toilets much longer to keep crying or do you feel well enough to get out?" He asked, his voice emotionless and blunt, yet his words dripped with venom.

"I wasnt crying" Theo denied " and whats wrong with just going while i use the sinks, afraid you might make the room smell as bad you?"

"Itd still smell better than you, unless you have a shower in you car" liams voice became tainted with agitation.

"That blow was lower than your grades Dunbar" Theo was unphased by liams comment, or atleast he didnt show it if he was.

"And my grades are still held higher than your morals" liam was in a foul mood as it was, Theo was meerly fueling his anger. "Ill leave you to cry" he sighed, turning to leave.

"Leaving me? Thought you'd of had something more intresting to say atleast liam, like how your friends are dealing without me, i know they must have been stuggling until i came back" Theo smirked knowing he was getting to liam. What he hadnt expect was for liams brain to poision the his words as far as it did.

The words echoed through liams head as he stood in the doorway, his brain producing an image of hayden. To liam, theo was mocking him, his loss, his life, even though it was a joke, Liam didnt like Theo enough to let it slide. Turning to face him again, liam strode up to Theo, standing chest to chest with him.

"I wanna add to whatever you were crying about" he said with a harsh tone, instantly after, liam punched Theo in his nose, hearing a loud crack. As Theo stumbled back, liam left the room, calling back " by the way, im still working on my anger". Liam had bust Theos nose, causing blood to stream from it, falling onto his hoodie and soaking into his t-shirt underneath. Holding his hand over the flow, Theo tried to stop the bleeding, leaning back over the sink, letting it run down the plug hole. He'd just paid for his clothes to be washed and already his blood was seeping into them, he didnt have the money to go back, hed have to wear some of his others a few more days than hed wanted to.

Since the pack had spread out, Theo had returned to living in his car, no one had wanted him, regardless of how much he'd tried to genuinly help. Most of his life, Theo had been used, left or not wanted in the first place, no one stayed in his life, the only person he saw frequenlty was his sister, every night, in his night mares. He'd bought some sleeping pills, thinking if they sent him to sleep then he might not have dreams, but being a chimera ment his body processed the pills so quick they didnt have and effect. Nights in his car were rough, but days spent picking pockets were rougher, after helping the pack, he felt genuinly bad stealing from people, but if he didnt, he wouldn't eat. Theo had decided to come back to school to finish, giving him some genuine grades that he might be able to build a life with.

Hed expected not to be wanted by the pack that remained at school, but he had to go, so he'd made the desicion to ignore them, not let them try to stop him, even show them hes not after trouble. It had worked until then. Liam had also ignored him, which actually worked and corey and mason were always hand in hand somewhere not paying attention to anyone else. Whenever liam walked past, he could smell his anger, his agitation and hate, they were all similar smells, he himself had once reeked of them, now he smelt of just his car.

"Guess i deserved that" Theo sighed, staring at his broken nose in the mirror. The pain had worn off pretty quick but the blood was still running, less so now than before. He stood, waiting until the blood stopped, staring into his own eyes in the mirror, searching for a reason why he might not have deserved a broken nose. Nothing. His eyes were full of life to anyone else, to himself, they were hollow, haunted by the images of his past. "Theo Raeken" he mumbled, a tear returning to his eye "the bad guy".

..

Storming into the other toilets, liam sighed heavily and released alot of anger. His knuckles were covers in a coating of Theos crimson blood, beging to dry and crack at the edges where the coating was thinnest. He hated that Theo got to him so much, mainly becuase some of his comments where playful, as if Theo was joking with him as friends. His own comments and actions however were deliberately cruel, trying to cause Theo pain.

Getting some soap on his hand, liam cleaned off the blood, watching it dilute as it ran off his knuckle, into the basin and down the drain. He'd been struggling to sleep too recently, this same dream he was having, like he was drowing with one to save him, no friends, no pack, family absent. Just liam. Liam drowning. Watching himself slowly drift further and further into a seemingly endless body of water that enjoyed swallowing him. Liams mindset was as low as it had ever been, his anger playing havoc with his thoughts and his own brain working against him, not to mention he was now incredibly lonely.

Cleaning the last of the blood from his knuckles, he starred into the mirror, looking into his eyes as he flashed them yellow. "They've left me, im alone now, bu- but im fine" he said, slowly growling the end bit, as if trying to force himself to believe the words.

"Im fine"