If you see love as pure as white, as selfless as saint and as something covered with unicorns and rainbows, this story isn't for you. Because truth is, love is something that comes out in nowhere and you end up destroyed you barely recognize yourself.
***
"Ah!"
I covered my body with white sheets as he convulsed and rolled beside me. I reached up to his face, gently rubbing his cheeks against my palms.
"May problema ba?" I asked.
"Wala. Miss lang kita," he said as he wrapped his arms around me.
Mapait akong ngumiti. I stared blankly at the ceiling, wishing and wondering why I ended up in this situation. Masakit, because I know this is temporary. While I think him as my permanent, he sees me as someone short-term.
Randon's breathing tickled against my neck. Napangiti ako at marahang iniwas ang aking sarili sa kanya.
"You're still that same ticklish Addie, huh?" Ramdam ko ang ngiti sa labi niya.
Napangisi ako nang pilit niyang siniksik ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. Randon possessively stilled my movements. Napaigtad ako sa kiliti dahil sa nanunuya niyang galaw.
"Shit, Randon!"
Randon got on top me. He closed our space with a hungry kiss. Hawak niya ang aking magkabilang pisngi, habang mariin na siniil ng halik ang aking labi. My lips numbed at his raw movements.
"Fuck, ang sarap mo talaga." He said huskily.
Napasigaw ako nang hatakin niya ang kumot na nakatakip sa akin. I blushed as he stared down my naked body.
"I'll just text you,"
Napatunganga ako pagkatapos ng nangyari. Randon gave me a quick peck on my lips before he headed himself to the door.
As usual, palihim kong sinabi.
Ganito parati. Ganitong ganito talaga. He'll kiss me like there's no tomorrow, made love with me like it's life and death and then, leave. Masakit aminin, pero ramdam na ramdan ko mismo sa utak ko kung ano ang tingin niya sa akin. He never sees me as a woman. He sees me as a piece of meat.
I closed my eyes tightly as I embraced my body. Kahit anong iwas, malakas na tumulo ang mga luha sa mata ko. All my life, I was treasured by my family and friends. Sa kanilang lahat, sa kanya lang ako nakakaramdam ng panliliit sa sarili.
At kahit anong sakit at pagtatampo at galit ang maramdaman ko, I ended up destroying myself instead and continued to love him.
After soaking my spent body inside the tub, I went straight to my closet and took a black dress and stilettos.
Napatawa ako ng palihim. Nakakaumay man, pero ganitong ganito ako pagkatapos na pagkatapos akong gamitin ni Randon. Kahit ako, hindi ko alam why I chose to go out and have fun. Imbes na bagohin ang sarili, nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa labas, umiinom at nagsasaya. Maybe this is my way of dealing with pain. Maybe this is my way of assuring myself that I could be happy. That despite what happened, makikita ko parin sa ibang bagay ang kasiyahan. Hindi man kasing taas ng saya pag dating sa kanya, still, I will treasure every ounce of happiness life has to offer.
"Hanggang kailang ka ba ganito, Addie!? Talaga bang ginawa mo ng pa-buffet ang sarili mo pagdating sa kanya?" iritado na sinabi ni Aimee.
Nagkibit lang ako ng balikat.
"You exactly know why, Meng."
"Yes and he is taking advantage out of it! Ano ka ba? Hindi ka naman ganyan ka tanga, ah? Pang 7/11 nalang ba talaga ang tingin mo diyan sa sarili mo?" singhal niya sa akin.
