The New Separation (Book 2)

Chapter 12

Colton

The next couple months were not easy. I couldn't concentrate in my classes anymore, my thoughts always returning back to him. I wanted to text him, or call, or something, but I didn't know what I would say if I did. What was there to say? He hadn't said anything to me either, which means he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

It hurt. God, did it hurt. But I could only blame myself. And so I took it out on myself. I went out to parties, drank myself into blacking out almost every weekend. I didn't care about anything. Why should I, if I was just a fucked up cheater? I kissed girls. I kissed boys. Never more than kissing though. It was the one thing I stopped myself at.

Eventually Thanksgiving break rolled around. I wasn't sure if I was happy or not to be going home for the first time since August. It meant no distractions from real life, unfortunately. I was hoping for a nice long weekend without anyone bothering me. It might happen - Kyle was probably barely going to be home anyway and Dad will probably be working most of the week. I didn't know what our plans for Thanksgiving dinner were, but probably not much, possibly just the three of us at home. Simple.

Turns out, I was totally wrong.

"You can't be serious," I said.

Dad shrugged. "I'm sorry, Colton, but I can't cancel on them. We agreed to this last year."

I groaned loudly, storming down the hall to my bedroom. This wasn't fair. How could we be going to their house for Thanksgiving? Okay, I get it. Kyle and Josh were still dating. But me and Elliot weren't. I couldn't just go to his house and pretend to be fine. I couldn't do that.

I flopped down on my bed, throwing a pillow over my face. Why me? Why did we have to keep up this stupid tradition of going over their house for the holiday? Sure, it only happened the last two years, but it doesn't mean we have to keep doing it this year too.

There was a light knock at my door and I didn't bother to move. I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not my dad, right now.

Unfortunately, he came in anyway, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I know this sucks for you," Kyle said.

I moved the pillow away from my face. He was not the one I had expected. "I thought you were Dad," I muttered, sitting up.

He laughed. "Nope. But I just wanted to say sorry. I know we haven't really talked in the last couple of months, since everything happened. I should have been there for you, but I wasn't. Having your heart broken hurts, I know that. And I guess I figured if you were the one who did the heartbreaking, you were fine, but obviously you're not."

"I am fine."

"No, Cole. You're not." He sighed softly. "I still know you, Colton. You're my brother. But this isn't you. You look like shit - miserable."

I shook my head. "You don't know anything about me, Kyle."

"Then talk to me."

After a slight hesitation, I did. I told him what happened with Aleena and the guilt I felt. I told him how I couldn't even manage to tell Elliot the truth. I told him just how horrible of a person I really am.

When I was done, Kyle hugged me. That was probably the most surprising thing he could have done. Then he spoke.

"You should come to dinner with us tomorrow," he said. "I'm not saying that what you did was right, not by a long shot, but I think you two should try to talk to each other. It seems like that's the one thing you guys didn't do. What you and he have was pretty fucking amazing, Cole, and finding that in high school is even better. Don't let your happy ending get away from you. I think he might still love you enough to hear you out."

Elliot

"I'm not going out there."

Alyssa stood in my doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "Stop being a baby, Elliot. You don't even have to talk to him. But you do need to come out of this room. Dinner's about to be served."

"I'm not hungry."

"You're a teenage boy, of course you're hungry."

I rolled my eyes. So maybe I was kinda hungry. But that didn't mean I was about to go out there, sit at the same table as my ex-boyfriend, and pretend everything is fine.

Why did he even come tonight? Did he want to hurt me even more? 'Cause it still hurt, even after months, it hurt. But maybe he wanted me to hurt. I must have done something to him to make him hate me. I couldn't show him that he was still causing me pain, which meant going out there and pretending to be fine.

When I walked into the dinning room, almost everyone was sitting down already. Both my moms and my Aunt Gina were still running in and out of the kitchen with food, but I could tell they each had their seats picked out already. Which left the only open one next to Colton.

He was staring down at the table, playing with his fork in his hands. He looked upset, but I didn't know if that was because he felt the same way about being here that I did. Probably not. It's not like he even cares about me anymore.

"Elliot, hun," Mama said, walking by me with a big bowl of mashed potatoes. "Either sit down or help us. Don't just stand there."

I sighed before turning around and heading into the kitchen. Might as well put off the inevitable, right? Except, when I got to the kitchen, Gina had picked up the last of the food and sent me away without anything.

I took my time getting back to the living room, not wanting the moment to come where I would have to sit next to him. I was trying to give myself a little pep talk - he couldn't know how much I was struggling without him, not when he seemed fine without me. This is what he wanted, so I have to respect that.

Sliding out my chair finally made him look up at me. His face was completely expressionless, and that creeped me out. I used to always be able to tell what he was feeling, but I guess not anymore.

He looked back down at the fork he was still playing with after a second. Not even a 'hi' or anything. I guess there really was nothing between us anymore. So I sat, not saying anything to him either.

Conversations went on around the whole table, although all I could really hear was the deafening silence that hung between Colton and me. I wanted to say something to him - anything, really - just to hear his voice again. It sucks that I was still in love with him when he obviously didn't love me anymore.

I don't know how I could still be in love with him. I thought I was fine, but then I saw him again. This was the boy who knew everything about me, just like I knew everything about him. Well, everything except why he decided to break up with me. I thought I was getting over him, finally able to sleep at night, no longer plagued with the thoughts of why; no longer waking up and forgetting for a moment that he wasn't mine anymore, the truth crashing down on me like a weight I couldn't remove.

I wanted to tell him all the pain he put me through these last few months. I really did. But at the same time, I didn't. He didn't deserve to know. I also had no idea how to even start a conversation with him.

I must have been so focused on my thoughts that I didn't realize he and I went for more turkey at the same time until our hands collided with each other.

"Sorry," he muttered, quickly moving his hand away, although he never once looked up at me. He motioned for me to take some first, but I just stared at him.

"No, you're not." The words were out of my mouth before I even registered them. That's when his eyes snapped to mine. "If you were, you would have given me a reason why you did it."

He sighed, dropping his eyes back down to the table. I felt like the whole table was watching us now, but I'm sure that wasn't true. "Can we talk, after dinner, please? I promise, I'll tell you."

"You've broken promises before." Again, the words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

He looked back at me, his brown eyes showing something I couldn't identify. "No, you're right."

Then he turned back to his food and that was it for our conversation. Until later. I wasn't sure if I was looking forward to it or not. Was knowing really going to be better?