ON HOLD I Will Not Kill You • Joshler

P-R-O-L-O-G-U-E

Trigger warning: self-harm mentions, suicidal thoughts

Meet Tyler Joseph. You'll probably be one of the only people to actually meet him.

Tyler doesn't talk to any of his peers and he barely talks to his parents. His grades have dropped ages ago; studying made his head spin and the stress it brought made him cry. Kids at school would rather point fingers at him or spit in his face than hang out with him. He never knew why, but he was bullied.

His parents didn't understand, his therapist didn't understand, his classmates didn't understand. Nobody understood him and that's what would boil a scream in his lungs.

He hated the world and the world hated him. He was depressed; both he and his therapist were one hundred percent sure of that. But nobody knew how to help him.

He was certain it was his fault nobody likes him. He is a huge mistake, so he made sure to feel like one.

He'd tear apart his skin. They were small cuts, but his body held so many scars that could be counted as one huge cut. Needing razors for shaving was the best excuse and his parents didn't care enough to worry.

Tyler didn't see the point. What's the point of living? What's his purpose in a world where he feels like scum?

A mistake. A piece of irrelevant trash. That's what he is. That's what he strongly believes he is.

Life is too beautiful to be wasted on humans such as Tyler. Tyler knew the world had its beauties, but he wasn't worthy any of those.

Death seemed like a fair concept.

He'll just make everyone's life easier. Maybe his parents will buy that car they keep on talking about. They'll have more money once they don't have to spend it on their stupid son. He won't get in kids' ways in school hallways.

More importantly, it will make things easier for Tyler. He won't have to live with stress and hatred. He won't have to suffer through being spat at and yelled at. He'll be at peace; he'll be gone.

He never tried to kill himself. He's only thought about it. He is too much of a damned coward to actually put his thoughts into actions. He didn't dare to hang himself, he didn't dare to swallow a bunch of pills, he didn't dare to slit his wrists.

But it had to be done. Tyler had to die.

Thus, he decided to summon a demon. No matter how silly that may sound. If it doesn't work, he'll try something else. But this was going to be his first go at trying to kill himself.

He really hoped it would work, because it was honestly the only idea he had so far.

He set up a few candles in a circle around the spot on the floor where he was sitting indian style. He closed his eyes and whispered insults to himself one last time.

He'd do that quite damn often, actually. He'd just find himself whispering endless insults to himself. He was lowering his confidence, he was making himself unhappy. And he'd mostly do that when he felt excited or sure about something that would turn out good on his behalf.

He exhaled audibly, holding his eyelids calm over his eyes. The darkness of his closed eyes always scared him; now more than ever, actually.

His breath trembled, and his brows furrowed as he tried to come up with words. Words were rarely a problem to him, but he wasn't even sure what he's doing right now in general. How does one summon a demon?

"Hello? S- Satan?" Tyler gulped, wanting to open his eyes, wanting to take a peek; but deciding not to. This was so stupid.

Nothing felt different so far, the temperature didn't change like it would in books or movies. He didn't feel some odd wind blowing into his face. There weren't even chills running down his spine.

"M- My name's Tyler" he just let random words roll off his tongue "I- I just want to die. C- Can you help me? Can a demon kill me? I just n-need a demon to kill me. I just need somebody- something to kill me"

Tyler sighed, starting to feel like this was not going to work.