it's been a week since I've been on top of the old factory building . for two reasons , i didn't want to see the boy and make it seem as if I was stalking him even though i wanted to know more about him . and two im very confused . I don't understand myself anymore , not as I ever did .
I don't understand why I don't speak to people , I always feel alone but never talk to anymore even dispute how desperate I am because I'm all alone .
there's plenty of ways , steps even to make my life so much better but I never try enough to take them .
I'm just like everybody else calls me , im worthless .
stop thinking , stop before you do something you'll regret I thought
i only knew what I meant by this . nobody else . but as if they would even care . nobody cares , they never will. but I don't blame them I don't give them a reason to care about me , I don't want people to love me . they'll leave , just like my mom and just like evie.
my body started to shake slightly as I thought of the people who thought I was worthless . all of the people that left me . it was getting harder to breath.
stop.stop.stop
i took a deep breath , I need to breath . I can't go down that road again .
breath elise breath
i need air .
I practically ran out of my small pale green old house and walked the short distance to the top of the factory building .
it was dark and cold outside you could smell the rain that was going to appear soon .
i reached the staircase that leads to the roof of the factory taking a few deep breath from the lack of oxygen
i really new to get my anxiety attacks together , I need to get myself together.
taking one last deep breath I team up the large staircase , opening up the heavy metal door i felt a rush of the cold winter breeze blow through my dull brown hair and making my gray eyes dry from the wind . stepping outside of the door and into the place I go to relax i blink a few times to make my eyes moist once again .
once i am satisfied with my ur sight i walk fully out onto the gray cement looking at the sky .
it was so beautiful on Origen , the green trees and the way you could smell the pines even on the city .
I loved living here
i sat on the metal controler step that i didnt exactly know what it was for and looked at the sky .
I don't know what I'm doing , I never know what I'm doing .
i sighed .
closing my eyes .
why did I even come up here ?
why do I always come up here ?
i stood back up toward the exit door when i reached for the door i saw a note
squinting my eyes i picked up the folded the piece of note book paper
the handwriting was messy but it was legible
it read : the girl with the bright green eyes and the pale white hair
i opened the note
im sorry i ran out on you
i was scared , nobody ever notices
im damon
please write back , its easier for me to write this way ...
