MASK

Part 9

We both sit calmly for almost an hour just looking at each other and saying nothing, I know he wants to make me feel that he's with me, and I just hope it's going to help. "Khushi, would you please visit the psychiatrist with me again?" he asks calmly I nod as I pull him closer and hug him tight, it's scary... I don't know what's right for me so right now I'm just leaving it all to him. "You know Khushi, after you told me what exactly was disturbing you, I don't think it would take much longer for you to come out of the depression, I know how you feel and I know it's terrible but there's one thing you've got to do... You have to make your mind understand that whatever it is that you've been thinking it's all wrong, I know it's not easy but you can try. We all come to a point in life where we envy someone but then that phase just passes away, but as for you, it's been stuck in your mind and it's like that phase isn't passing away. So I want you to listen to me, listen to what I say very carefully. First of all what you did was wrong, when you knew you were feeling this way you shouldn't have hidden it from us, we could have helped you, I know you thought we'd not understand but Khushi we all love you and we would always understand. Secondly I'm sorry, it had been long I noticed something wrong but I thought maybe it was just me, I should have asked you again and again until you told me then maybe it wouldn't have gone this far. Now coming to your depression, Khushi you know how lucky you are to have all this? Your job, you're paid well, you've got a good house, what else do you need? Do you know there are people out there who look at you and envy you because they don't have half of what you have? The only wrong thing you're doing here is counting other people's blessings instead of your own, I know there are people out there doing better than you but that doesn't make you small, you're doing what you can and that should be enough for you. You don't have to be like anyone else, as long as you're happy in your life why care about what someone else is doing out there? I have known many girls out there doing big things, but do you realize why I fell in love with you and not any of them? Because of what you are, because you are a good person and at the end of the day that's all that matters... I'm not saying all those girls aren't good, but all I am saying is if you want someone to love you, you don't have to compete with others to be the best, just be yourself and for the right man, you'll be the best." "Arnav it's not about being best in your eyes or anyone else's eyes, it's about being best in my own eyes... you know it scares me thinking what would people think of me, I really can't explain it" "I understand you Khushi, and you know that's where the problem really is, you have to stop caring about people, if you keep on caring what others will think you'll never be able to live a happy life, so for you to feel better first you need to stop caring about what others think about it, that's not your business do you get it?" I nod positively and listen to him keenly as he continues "Khushi we all lack something in life but just because we don't show it doesn't mean we don't have it... there's no one out there who has everything in life and that's okay because that is life... life is meant to be lived not to impress people... Do you have an idea how many people out there envy you? You should be happy and proud that you've got a lot, in fact more than enough so be happy with what you've got and stop asking for more, be happy knowing that someone out there doesn't get food for the whole day or someone out there doesn't even have a pair of shoes when here you have almost twenty. Stop thinking about people Khushi, they are the reason why you're feeling this way today, so get it out of your mind. I want you to make yourself understand this okay? What other people think of you doesn't define you, what you think of yourself defines you. I want you to be confident about yourself, I want you to love yourself and believe that you are the best and there's no one out there better than you. Count you own blessing Khushi, not other people's" "Thank you Arnav, whatever you just said helped me feel much better and I hope I'd be able to get better" "You will, you'll get medication and you can for counselling, it will all help and I promise there will come a day when you'll be as happy as you were before, when you'll smile without faking it and when life would be beautiful once again" "I hope so, I really hope so" We are sited in front of the doctor as he looks at me while Arnav explains everything to him, he notes down points and looks at me every time Arnav says something to surprise him. After Arnav is finally done explaining my situation to him he turns towards me calmly and with a deep sigh begins to talk. "If you're scared I'm going to judge you, I'm not Khushi... in fact I'm glad you realized what's really disturbing you, it would be much easier to help you now. After analyzing everything Arnav told me, I think you need motivation more than medicines, it seems like you've lost your self-confidence and you need to regain it back. Although I'm going to prescribe some medicines for you, I need you to visit any good place and get some good counselling, because that's what would help you more. You aren't at the worst stage, and I believe you're much stronger, I've seen patients worse than you Khushi so don't think you're the only one dealing with depression, many do... it's just that they have different reasons. Keep strong and take the medicines and with time everything will be fine, just keep on making your mind understand that it needs to take out all the negative thoughts and you'll be fine very soon" I nod as I stand up and walk outside before he tells me to, I know he needs to have a word with Arnav so I just walk away and settle myself on the bench, whatever they'll talk about will me about my wellbeing so I'm not longer interested in overhearing the conversation. After Arnav is done, he walks outside and gets hold of my hand as we both head back home with the hope in our hearts that everything was going to be fine soon.