"Inferiority"

Four: Acidic Touch

“Goodbye, Ma'am Collins! ” the class sang in unison as our teacher made her way out of the room. Before she could officially leave the room, though, she turned to my direction. “You, over there, can you help me? ” she asked.

I hesitated for a moment, checking behind me to make sure she was actually talking to me. After much reluctance, I stood up from my seat and went to help her.

She smiled at me. Her soft smile had a gentle glow on it. It made her look like a mother. She pointed at the stack of papers on her desk. “Can you help me with this, dear? I'm carrying a lot, so giving me a hand will surely be appreciated! ”

I agreed to help her, and she thanked me. I got the stack of papers on my arms and followed her outside.

Outside the classroom, she said, “Bring these papers to the faculty room on my desk please. I'll be having a class in the other section. Thank you. ” I nodded my head and turned around to the direction of the faculty room.

I felt a little happy inside. In fact, I felt like skipping all the way there.

I felt quite useful for once.

Having something to do and going out of the classroom made me feel free - free of the critical stares of my classmates; free of the suffocating grasp of this feeling of worthlessness.

Just as I thought it would be great, a certain person caught my eyes. Before I knew it, pain rushed into my nose. I was now on the floor, rubbing my painful nose. The papers were now scattered on the floor.

“Oh, Gosh, I'm sorry! ” A voice apologized. I looked up and saw Ivan looking down at me with an embarrassed expression.

I felt silent for a moment. I guess I was surprised. Breaking the silence, he bent down. “I'm really sorry! I didn't see you there. ”

He didn't see me?

He started grabbing the pieces of paper.

People passed by, looking at us with pity or confusion over what happened. However, even though it wasn't that obvious, I could feel their judgmental stares. I knew in my heart what they were saying...

“How clumsy! ”

“She can't even do such a simple task!”

“And she's even in the top class! ”

“Lazy girl. ”

“What? You have arms, use them. ”

“At least this guy is making an effort. ”

“Worthless!”

“Weak! ”

“Useless!”

“Stupid!”

“Inferior!”

I woke up from my state of shock and started picking up papers, too. There, it was a race if who could pick up the most papers. To me, at least.

Although I made an effort to pick up the papers, I still felt the the stares stab behind me. I still felt that people are still judging. I still felt that they are calling me worthless, calling me uselss, calling me stupid, a retard.

Leave me alone, won't you?!

The grip I had on the papers tightened. I quickened the movement of my hand in collecting the papers. I was internally panicking. I wanted it all to be over!

When I was going to grab a piece of paper, I felt something on my hand. I was quite in shock. A warm hand was on top of mine. I looked up, and my eyes met with Ivan's dark ones. Realizing that we touched hands, he went red. I immediately pulled my hand out.

“I'm sorry! I'm such a ditz! ” he exclaimed, handing the papers to me. I remained silent through it all, rubbing my hand while looking down.
Ivan stood up. “I'm sorry for standing in the way,” he apologized once more. He let out his hand for me. Obviously, he wanted to help me up, but I had enough of his help.

I slapped it away.

“Huh? ”

Ivan was obviously surprised at my reaction. He just stayed quiet, not saying a word. I stood up and made my way to the faculty room as much haste as I could.

After doing the job, I went to the girl's comfort room.

I stared at the large mirror in front of me. There, my reflection greeted me with the same blank expression I had always held. I looked emotionless, but inside I was feeling all kinds of it: confusion, envy, anger, and hatred.

I was still rubbing my right hand, the hand he touched. It become sweaty and red. My hand felt like it was burning and itchy at the same time. It was as if I touched something... something acidic. His hand was acidic; he was acidic.

My head felt light, my chest heavy. My face was painted in a red mess. My eyes were ready to become waterfalls. I really felt like shouting at the mirror, shouting at myself.

I'm so useless. I'm a bad person. I'm such a retard.

I hated myself. I was disgusted.

After getting back to my senses, I gathered all the courage to go outside. I pushed the door open and took a peek outside. Hesitating, I walked out of the vicinity.

No one was around the hallway near the comfort room. Perhaps classes were still going on. I was relieved. I really didn't want to see anyone right now. I took deep breaths.

Then, I started walking to the direction of my classroom. The halls were empty like a barren desert. Walking alone, the school felt like a ghost town.

When I thought no one was there, a lone figure proved me wrong. I stopped dead in my tracks and examined the figure.

It was Ivan.

He was looking out of the window, obviously pondering about something. I just stayed quiet, staring at him.

I sighed silently and continued my steps. I passed by him. He was obviously aware of my presence, but he didn't look at me at all. When I was already far from him, my hands turned to fists. The burning itchy feeling from before returned, but now, it was a lot worse.

I couldn't help but turn around. When I did, unexpectedly, our eyes met. I was surprised and so was he.

“I.. ” he said. He turned away. “Nevermind. ”

With that, he left me alone. I held my right hand. I clenched my jaw, and I heard a loud, booming voice inside my head.

I really hate you.

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Thank you for reading the fourth part! A vote will be appreciated, as well as comments.

Editor: MsQuiche

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Next Part's Title: “A Class Trip”