What Love Hasn't Conquered

Man Down

I can't even sleep at night

Can't get it off my mind

I need to get out of sight

Before I end up behind bars

What started out as a simple altercation

Turned into a real sticky situation

Me just thinking on the time that I'm facing

Makes me wanna cry

~Rihanna

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Alina's POV

Within three days Josh is better and I leave the hospital. Back at the hotel we gather our things and get ready to keep moving. Josh asks me several times why I'm so quiet and my mind instantly goes to the text message.

I know what you did. You're going to pay for it.

I was hoping we could leave before next Thursday, but Josh had the room until Friday night.

Outside the hotel @ 8. Come alone and don't be late.

It was already Tuesday night and I was becoming more and more on edge as the days went by. I pace the room of the hotel as Josh sits on the bed watching me. "Babe, relax."

Right as the words come out of his mouth my cell phone rings. It's my mother. Again.

She calls every other day three times a day, but I refuse to answer. My phone sends the woman to voicemail and then Josh's phone begins to ring. He goes to pick it up, but stops and winces in pain. I forget my worries and run over to him, gently pushing him to lay back on the bed.

I pick up his arm and study the torn flesh. Chills go down my spine as Josh looks up at me with sad eyes. "I don't understand it, Josh." Dropping his arm I get off of the bed and move onto my own.

He gestures his arms out to me, beckoning. "Let me tell you a story." In a huff I move myself onto his bed and rest beside him.

Josh breathes in deeply and looks at me. "About two years ago I met a girl named Becca." I frown at his mention of another girl but he looks at me again and my jealousy floats away. "We were both fifteen at the time and I remember her being..." Josh pauses for a minute, searching for a good word to use, "different."

I scoot closer nuzzling into his chest and listening to his heartbeat as he speaks.

"Becca was usually smiling and only on rare occasions would she not. When she was happy, she was upbeat, energetic, and giggly. When she was upset, she just shut down. She wouldn't speak to anyone or want to do anything. Becca would put on her headphones and leave the world behind. That usually worked for her. The headphones would come out and she wasn't perfectly herself but she was calm and mellow.

When her headphones wouldn't work she would excuse herself from wherever she was and just disappear. Well, one day I followed her. It was early in the morning and she was at the park across from my house on the swings. From my bedroom window I could see her with her headphones in and I knew something was wrong. Becca got up from the swing and walked into the woods behind the park.

Running down the stairs as fast as I could, I bolted out of the house and across the street. I made sure to be quiet as I followed her through the turns of the woods. Finally, she stopped at a clearing deep in the woods and sat on the ground. For a moment she sat there and cried. I didn't go to comfort her and try and make her feel better, instead, I watched Becca from behind a large tree.

She cried. Silently she cried. At the moment I felt I couldn't watch her anymore was the moment life became real. Becca reached into her pocket and pulled out a razor. For a moment I sat confused thinking she was going to shave in the middle of the woods. She took the razor and slid it across her wrist. Once. Twice. Three times.

From where I was behind the tree, I could see the blood springing from her pale skin and reddening in the air. Becca didn't cry after that. She didn't scream out in pain or do anything at all." I feel Josh's heart rate speed up as his words thicken.

"After that day Becca never did anything ever again. I sat behind that tree and I watched her. I watched her. And she bled to death. I ran to get her parents and mine, but no one seemed to move fast enough. The world was in slow motion and I felt like a deer in headlights. Stuck and paralyzed. My body worked fine, but my mind was still with Becca in the woods.

I could still see the blood pouring from her arms and the crunch of crisp leaves as her body fell sideways. Her parents were heartbroken when they saw their only daughter in such a way. Becca's mother screamed and ran to the body, picking it up in her hands. Smearing blood everywhere as she tried to shake the life back into her only child.

I watch this all from behind the same tree. The tree I stood behind when Becca killed herself. I watched and through the blood on Becca's arms I saw scars and shadows that mimic the pattern in which she had cut herself." Josh looks down at me, tears rushing from his eyes.

"The worst part is, I could have saved her." I move to wipe the tears from his face but he pushes my hands away and stops me.

"After that, cutting was my fix. There were times where I flashed back to that moment in time and everything was just as vivid as the fist time it happened. As soon as the blade touched my skin, as soon as I felt the blood leave a trail down my arm, that's when I felt alive. That's when the pain stopped. That's when I finally understood Becca.

If anything happened or went wrong, I cut. The physical pain helped me escape the emotional pain and the mental pain I felt. After I had been doing it for so long, I couldn't go without it. It was all I had."

I grab Josh and  pull my face to his and kiss him hard. "You have me and you will always have me. I understand how hard it is for you to give up this habit but Josh, it has to stop. Three days ago I found you on the bathroom floor covered in your own blood. I felt just like you did when you saw Becca. I blamed myself and that damned razor.

At the hospital I watched you day and night. I never left that room. I knew that if you didn't make it--' Josh cuts me off and wraps himself around me.

"I did make it, A."

Josh and I didn't move from that spot for the rest of the night. I woke up the next morning still wrapped in his arms. Detangling myself I walk over to the desk in the corner of my room and pick up my phone. I navigate to message I received at the hospital and hit the "reply" button.

I'll be there.

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HOPE YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER!

I APOLIGIZE FOR THE LAST ONE BEING SO SHORT

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