Carvings That Bind

The Girl Who Isn't Here and The Boy Who Is

Alyssan

I should have known something was up. I'd managed to day dream today, something that hasn't happened to me since I'd awoken in my backyard three months ago. Of course, I wish I could day dream or sleep or do something other than be present in my mind every single day. I wouldn't mind it if it weren't for the sole fact that no one can see, hear, or feel me.

I used to always enjoy when people would just leave me to my own devices. That's how I liked things. That's how I wished things could always be.

I guess I wished for it a little too hard.

Going without any human interaction for the past three months has been a hell I could never have imagined. I never thought that so much solidarity could twist a person so badly. When I finally realized that I'm dead, I actually did come to the conclusion that I'm in hell.

My parents can't see me.

My friends can't hear me.

No one can feel me.

At first, I didn't know what to make of it. I thought I was simply dreaming and that I'd wake up to an annoying alarm any second, that it was all a nightmare. The nightmare never ended, though. My alarm never went off and before I knew it, I found myself trapped.

From what I hear, floating around and eavesdropping, people seem to think I've run away from home. I don't remember doing any such thing. Then again, I don't remember dying either. For all I know, the police and reporters could be right. Maybe I ran away and committed suicide, though I don't remember ever being depressed before my death. Other people don't think I was depressed either, from what I hear.

Some people think I went off and eloped with some guy. I've also heard the same version, but with a girl instead. Classmates whisper that I was pregnant and ran away in shame. Some people think that I'm the killer who appeared three months prior to my disappearance, saying I ran off in fear of being caught.

Well I say...nothing because they can't hear my opinion anyway.

Around town, my parents have put up missing posters with a picture capturing one of my rare smiles. There are details of what I was wearing the day I went missing, what I'm still currently wearing now. There's also a description of my features such as my auburn hair and brown eyes. My height and weight is on the paper as well.

From what I've witnessed over the past few months, the posters have done no good in finding me or, rather, my body. I've watched my parents slowly lose hope with everyday that carried on. The light in their eyes growing dimmer and dimmer. I watched as they lost weight, as their complexions became poor, and as their cheeks seemed to sink in, making them appear older than what they really are. It got to the point where I couldn't stand to be around to watch them anymore.

That was a week ago. I haven't seen them since. I've no idea how they're doing, though I doubt it's much better than how I left them. I try not to think about it, but when thinking is the only thing one can do all day long, it becomes quite a feat.

Today, though, I had found myself actually day dreaming. I had never been able to day dream up to this point. Just like sleeping, it was something that I was just unable to do, which made the days go by much, much slower.

Something happened and once I'd gotten to the school, I'd found my spot under a tree in the front lawn. It was a place I had often frequented when I was still alive. Before I could even realize what was happening I found myself thinking about what would have happened if I'd never died. What I'd be doing right that instant and what I'd have planned for the rest of the day.