Never Say Never (Ziall FanFic) [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 1

*NIALL'S POV*

I put the pen back down and stumbled around the house trying to get to what used to be Zayn and I's bedroom. As i stumble gripping onto the walls to keep my balance I think if this really is the answer to everything. Course it is. you fucked everything up and it's too late now, my subconscious scolds me.

As i walk up the staircase i notice all the pictures of Zayn and I on the walls. I stop and look at a few of them. Zee, my precious, precious Zee. Look at what i've done. We looked so happy. We were in love. Just thinking about him made my heart ache so after wiping a tear or two I trudged further up the stairs, my legs feeling really heavy all of a sudden.

As I open the bedroom door Zayn's lingering scent catches me making me want to melt into a puddle on the ground. I always loved the way he smelt of English Blazer. mint and cigarette smoke. I stood by the door just admiring the scent one last time feeling even more drowsy, my legs turning to jello.

Before I even got to the bed I collapsed on the floor into a state of unconsciousness and nirvana...

***

*ZAYN'S POV*

Today's the day, I thought as i rolled out of bed, stretching my aching muscles. I feel like fucking shit to be honest. After the last fight Niall and I had I think it's finally over. I still love him, I really do I  just dunno what happened.

I dragged myself to the bathroom, turned the shower on and let my mind wonder as the warm water hit my back, releasing it of all tenseness. As I got out I wrapped a towel around my waist and dug for clothes to wear today. Skinny jeans, white t-shirt and combat boots. Leaving my hair down I went downstairs to get something to eat before I head out.

''Mornin' Harry.'' I said as I saw him sitting by the kitchen counter with a cup of tea.

''Hey Zee, how'd you sleep?''

''Like shit to be honest but thanks for letting me crash here for a while.''

''No worries, so what you doing t'day?'' He asked as I sat down with a bowl of Lucky Charms.

''I'm gonna go get a few more stuff from Niall and I's flat, I gotta face him some time or the other but I think this is the final straw H.'' I say sighing, my shoulders slumped.

''It'll be okay mate, I'm sure you and Ni will sort things out. It's obvious you guys still love each other.'' He says shrugging.

''It's not that simple,'' I say setting my bowl in the sink, ''I gotta go, see ya later Hazz.''

I grab my leather jacket and car keys as I walk out the house. The drive to our flat is about 7 minutes away so it goes quick and doesn't give me time to stop the churning in my stomach. All of a sudden I don't feel to well and just wanna turn around and go crawl into bed as i pull up to the flat.

Taking a deep breath I get out of the car and walk to the door locking it open with my key. Silence.

''Niall, ya home?'' No answer.

''Niall!'' Nothing. 

I walk into the kitchen cause that's where he usually is, but he's not. I go to the living room and see a letter on the table with my name on it written in Nialls scribbled handwriting. I open it and read 

  Dear Zayn,

I thought i was happy with you, in love with you. But there's some things we didn't talk about and we thought we could do without it, without telling each other but we were wrong, oh so wrong. We just smiled and made ourselves think we were okay when we weren't.

We fell in love and now we're falling out of it, or at least i think i am. I don't feel happy when I'm with you and I'm constantly faking smiles and saying I'm fine when i all i want to do is tell you how I'm feeling and maybe, just maybe we could fall again like we did 5 years ago.

...

You were my everything, my angel when all was crumbling,steadying my hands and holding me close. Helping me and we saved each other. You fixed me and picked up the broken pieces, put me back together again.

...

I remember the first time you held me to your chest while i cried and cried until i could hardly breathe.

...

I wonder how you feel sometimes, how your feeling. Are you talking to yourself too and thinking about what we had been through together? What we said to each other? Maybe you regret everything and you wish you left me when i told you too? I wouldn't blame you for any of this though. I guess we weren't meant to be like we thought we were. Do you think we were a mistake? I wonder if your questioning all the ' I love you's ' like i am? Probably are.

...

I wish i could tell you how sorry i was,how sorry i still am. I'd say sorry for deceiving you and making you think we were okay. Say sorry for letting it go on so long when you could have had someone better by now. Say sorry for falling out of love and wasting your time. Say sorry for making you fall in love with me just for me to break your heart.

...

Lastly i would say sorry for breaking your heart and i know you'd fight for us and say we could fix everything even when you know we can't. Then I'd cut you off and say we're too far off and maybe its for the best. That we were never meant to be and this was just a lesson to be learned.

We'd leave it at that and we'd walk out of each others lives forever. We'd forget. You'd forget and you most likely already did. But i'm still looking back with so much regret and remorse and i just wish we could have done things differently. That we could start over again and never fall out of love. That you'd keep your promise and not let me go and we'd be happy. Forever. Just like you said.

... 

But we're not and now we only have memories. Will that ever be enough? Will we stop wanting more? Stop thinking of how we used to be? Forget? Forgive? Will we ever think of the what-if's? Did we learn anything? Do we wanna forget? Do we wanna start over and try again?

What-if?

I'd say that

I'm sorry Zee.

I gotta go now though, don't wanna get anymore tears on the letter and my writing is becoming lopsided. I think its the tablets kicking in now so I'll make this quick.

I love you.

Forever and always.

Sorry I couldn't say this to your face.

Forgive me.

And Zee?

Never say never.

Forever yours,

Niall xx.

There's tear stains on the paper and the ink is running and for a moment i was frozen, taking in everything the letter said. Trying to understand, tears silently flowing down my cheeks.

Then snapping back to reality, eyes wide and heart pounding in my chest so hard i could hear it in my ears, i rushed around the flat looking for Niall and hoping this is all just some sick joke but as i ran to our bedroom the sight i found was telling me this is nothing but the truth...