Letters to You

Letters to You: Nick

Dear Nick,

I could write forever and ever talking about you, how I truly feel. But forever simply isn't enough. Let's start with now, and what I have to say.

You light up my world with just a smile. I don't care if you have braces. To me, they're great. I don't know what I'll do when you get them off, since I'm so used to seeing you in them, seeing your gorgeous smile shine through them. And those eyes - God, those eyes. They twinkle like beautiful gems. They're so beautiful, hazel in color. And every time I look into those eyes, I can't help but smile from ear to ear. To be honest, everything you do - every movement you take, every word that escapes your lips - makes me smile. I can't help myself.

Sometimes I'll just look at you and smile, a fool in love. Sometimes when you notice me looking, I start to laugh. Then both of us will just burst out laughing, so happy, so full of joy. Your family is amazing too. Your mom, dad, and sister are such wonderful people. You guys feel like my second family to me. I love how you guys goof off and do the silliest things together. Every time I see you, you're all always laughing. That's a true family, a family I'm glad to be a part of.

You have no idea how much admiration and love I have for you, but I don't blame you. Most times, I never show it. I try hiding it deep inside me, so deep in my heart it's the size of a speck. Despite you knowing that I like you, you'll never really know how much.

We actually dated once - yes, I was that lucky - but we broke up because you weren't ready to date, simple as that. And at first, I was so devastated, so sad. But then I remembered the promise we made. You told me, "No matter what happens, we'll always be best friends, okay?" And you lived up to that promise. Then I remembered that it might not be so bad after all. At least I hadn't lost you like I had lost everyone else. At least you wanted to stay in my life, just as much as I had wanted to stay in yours.

Since that moment, I can say that I've never gotten over you. I still haven't, to this day. I asked you if you liked me back, just as you had a time ago, but unfortunately, your feelings for me were lost. I didn't want to like you anymore, not after that. I didn't want to feel so desperate. So I tried to get over you. Tried. But turns out, it didn't work. I told you that I don't like you anymore, which is a complete lie. But maybe if you believe it, I'll believe it too, eventually.

Last night I went over your house, your new one. It was beautiful. Even though you hadn't yet filled it with furniture, I could tell that it was already filled with something more important: family. Our parents left us alone in your room, which I found surprising, and left our sisters occupied. Then again, I shoudn't have bee surprised - our parents know there's something going on between us, or so they think. Little do they know that my love for you is unrequited.

There we sat - you playing video games and me trying to learn it. You taught me, at least a little bit. We talked and laughed as we played. After that, we just chilled in your room - talked, played drums, watched videos, laughed. Later we made s'mores using the grill, since we didn't have a fire pit, and you kept sneaking up on me and your parents, hitting the cymbals from your drum in our ear. The first time you did it to me, you scared the shit out of me, so I chased you around the house. Then we just laughed in your room. Some people might find that boring, but the thing is, no matter what I do with you, I always have a good time. And the funny thing is, when I'm with you and your family, I feel a sense of belonging, like I was meant to be here.

When I tell you this, I mean it with everything in me - every bone, nerve, everything in my soul: I love you. I can't describe the power those three simple words have to me, towards you. I hope you know this, and I want you to remember that forever.

My point is, the way you make me feel is indescribable. I wish we could work it out somehow. I wish I could get a second chance, but I suppose I'll have to wait. It'll be a long while until your ready, but I'll be here. I'll wait every second of the way. And when you feel that you're ready enough to open your eyes, I'll still be here, just as I was all along.

Love,

Your best friend, Ashley