My depressing life opens to you

Age Seven

At the young age of seven,

I knew what true fear was,

feeling like you're taking your last breath.

as they hold you down.

Removing each article of clothing,

Leaving you bare,

Chilled to the bone,

Not knowing what's going on.

You were 16 at the time,

Always staring at me,

When we lived with you.

I called your mother Nana,

My mother's best friend at the time,

I once called you my friend.

Always hanging around you,

Enjoyed spending time with you,

But then you decided to like me,

More than friends,

Me being 7 didn't know what you meant,

when you told me to go to your room,

to watch a movie,

So of course I went.

But what I didn't know was,

You locked the door,

On your way in,

You picked me up,

Laid me down,

I thought you just wanted to be friends.

You placed your hands on my side,

Rubbing up and down,

I told you to stop,

but you didn't.

I tried to get up,

but you dragged me back down,

You held me down while you slowly removed my clothes,

Cold was all I felt.

 I didn't move,

Too scared,

Tears streaming down the sides of my face.

Did you know that I didn't want it?

Did you know I was scared?

When he finished,

I curled up and cried,

A little piece of me died that night.

You never did get caught,

When I told my mom,

She said "Don't play around",

Being called a lair at the age of 7,

about rape,

why would I lie about that?

Why didn't you believe me?

Could you not see the fear in my eyes when he was home?

I avoided you at the house,

I was scared to sleep at night,

afraid to close my eyes,

Images keep popping up.

My trust for you vanished,

My trust for everyone was limited, 

Hardly trusting anyone anymore.

Flinching when someone touches me,

Staying away from every guy I seen,

Not knowing if I were safe,

My 7 year old mind couldn't process the situation.

Not fully understanding what happened,

All I knew was that it was wrong,

It shouldn't have happened,

Did you know what you were doing?

Why didn't you stop when I said to stop?

Were the tears not enough,

My little hands gripping the bed,

from being frozen in fear,

Why did you continue to glare?

I still flinch when someone touches me,

I still can't wrap my head around why you did it,

Everytime I think back to when I was 7,

All I can feel are your hands,

Gripping my hips,

Holding on for dear life.

I still cry when I think about it,

I only express my issues,

Through my words on pages,

never verbally,

unless reading the poem out loud.

Do you still remember what happened?

Why is it so hard to let go?

You were 16,

I was 7.

This takes age doesn't matter to a whole new level.

I still can't trust,

But if I do it takes a long time,

I avoid opening up,

not wanting people to know me,

Not wanting people to know what I went through.

But I'm tired of holding it in,

I'm trying to let go,

But being harder that it seems.

* I'll be uploading new poems every couple of days if not everyday. If you have any questions or want to suggest me topics to write with then go ahead and comment or send me a message on here.* 

feel free to ask me anything