They had been trying to remember what they had been like beforehand. Before they had created this front, this mask, that became their face. It was a joke at first. Then, it became their personality and they naively accepted it wholeheartedly.
The friends that they've gained with this "second them", they wondered if they would have the same connection had they not done this. They wanted to live life as another; their true self wouldn't suffice so it seemed. Their previous cold and distant self would not have been favorable to their current friends.
Their true self, it was a haze. Did that exist anymore? Was their alter ego now them? They've succumbed to their own false sense of bliss. That nothing was wrong that they couldn't remember.
It kept them questioning their worthiness for what they've earned. They want to start over and yet they don't. They want to tell the truth, but at what cost, was the fear. On occasion, when life was at it peak, they had no concerns or guilt about what they were doing. But it was times when life had challenged them; which personality did they choose?
The former was unknown and alien to others, but it was their own fault. They had chose this way of introducing themselves, and chose how they decided to act. They knew what they were doing.
They used their character as a front and it worked. Too well, it seems.
They were scared to confide in someone; would that person brush it off as a joke, their alter ego just being a typical jokester? Would the person berate them for lying? Would they attempt to learn who they truly were? And if that person did attempt , would they be comfortable in bring up what they've always kept hidden?
There were so many questions and not enough -- if any at all -- answers. They had dug themselves into a hole and it was too late to try to cover it back up. Their friends would always know them as one personality, their alter.
