They were always tired.
In the general sense, mental sense, and emotional sense; it was a norm to them now. It wasn't necessarily because of how long they slept, it was what they went to sleep to avoid that kept them tired.
They were running from theirselves to be completely honest.
It was a cycle they stuck themselves into, staying unmotivated and apathetic; passing it off as lazy. They wondered why they kept sticking it under that same excuse. Was it because they wanted someone to motivate them? Was it because they didn't feel like explaining? Was it because it was just easier?
They knew what was really wrong, but why did they never do anything about it? They were preventing their own happiness. Always being doubtful and undeserving because happiness was always temporary as they had come to know. These new feelings they were experiencing, they were always struggling internally.
They never felt like they deserved it. It was so foreign to them and they couldn't stop over analyzing it. They couldn't allow themselves to be vulnerable and weak. Emotions were never for them. But they knew how they felt about it, they wanted it. They wanted those feelings to last because it was an unknown high.
They understood why people chased it, but not why they were never prepared for the hurt they set themselves up for. That's why they stayed prepared, imagining the worst possible outcomes. Words were so meaningless nowadays. Anyone could say those three little words, but could they all mean it?
They knew they took a chance when the reciprocated, still unsure of the certainty of how they felt. They knew they were growing more and more attached with each passing interaction, knowing the pain will be greater in the end. But what was the point of worrying? However it ends, they knew they would be the last. Whether the last to keep them in a relationship or the last because they stayed together, they were overall indifferent about however it would end.
They were tired of fighting with themselves, tired of being tired. They wanted to cast all their doubts aside and indulge in these feelings, but they just couldn't. They were always protecting themselves, at whatever cost it took to prevent experiencing true hurt. They wondered why they were so scared of it.
