What Happens Now...

That's Not Supposed To Happen...

Chapter 4

*Leigh’s POV*

I lay stock still in the bed and just stare.  I just stare at the beautiful eyes that I thought would never open again.  We don’t say anything to each other.

 

Just look.  And think.

 

Alec slowly reaches his hand that does not contain the protruding needles and I.V.’s to touch my face.  It’s a simple gesture that people would take for granted any other day, but not me.  When you sit in a waiting room on the hard plastic chairs and think that the person you love could die at any moment, you cherish things like this.  We still don’t dare to say a word to disrupt the silence that encases us like a protective cocoon.  Slowly, as if not to frighten him, I do the same with my hand as he did with his.  He smiles softly and leans into my palm as I sigh softly with the reassurance that he is not dead yet.

 

Yet, the word haunts my every thought.

 

Our whole relationship is full of the “what if” and “yet” questions.  What if he doesn’t get better?  What if our parents forbid us to be together?  What if he doesn’t want me anymore because his parents don’t approve? What if he can’t play football anymore?  What if he stays, but later leaves me for some unknown reason?  He isn’t going to leave me… yet.  Yep, I’m that paranoid.  But why would he want me anyway!?  I’m nothing special.  I’m not that pretty, I’m too tall for most guys, and I’m too smart for most of them too!  Why does he still stay with me?  I would him rather tell me now then later to have my hopes up then me being broken beyond the repair anybody could do. 

 

At that second, I realized how much I really feel for him and just how lost I would be without him.  He was my air, my water, my life.  He carries my heart and without him to hold it, I’d be dead.  Not literally but in the worst way possible, the emotional type.

 

Suddenly, his dark, almost navy, blue eyes harden; he removes his hand from my face and turns the opposite direction from me.  At that moment I could feel the thick lump in my throat and a small sob rose its way from it.  Why did he turn away!? I knew at that moment that I’m nothing that he can’t get any given Friday night after the game.  Did he really care so little for me?  My heart sank to the floor from where it felt as if he threw it down and stepped on it just for the fun of it.  Why should I care if he doesn’t you ask?  Well I gave this boy the best years of my life since we were kids and now it’s as if we were nothing more than your average acquaintances.  As I sat there and silently cried, or at least I thought I did, until I felt him turn back around.  I could feel his piercing gaze on my face but I couldn’t will myself to look at him yet.  To see his detached, icy eyes would be like a kick to the stomach.  He always looked at me with kindness and love, not the way he looked at me before he turned.  I couldn’t take that feeling again…

 

As I continued my internal debate of whether to look at him or not, I felt a body inch closer to mine, and then the most angelic voice finally spoke.

 

“Hey, why are you crying?  It’s not like YOU have anything to cry about…” he whispered.

 

At that moment, I just wanted to slap him and scream and cry all at the same time.  What does he mean I have nothing to cry about!?  That’s when I exploded…

 

“I HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT!  YEAH, MY SO CALLED BOYFRIEND HATES ME, MY PARENTS HATE ME, YOUR PARENTS HATE ME, AND TO TOP IT OFF I THOUGHT YOU ALMOST DIED AND HAVEN’T SLEPT SINCE TWO NIGHTS AGO!!” I screamed right at his face to further prove my point of him being a douche.