Escape Plan

"She's dead Ms.Admas." Hearing those words was like getting stabbed In the heart multiple times. I nod slightly at the doctor letting him know he's dismissed. Fuck. Fuck. Why wasn't I there? I could've stopped this all from happening. I should've known all that bullying had gotten to her head. Before I know it I'm on the floor in a full on panic attack. My sister, Roxanne, is kneeled down next to me trying to help me stop. "Breathe in and out." She takes my hand in hers and puts it just on top of her heart. "Try and level your breathing with mine. In and out. In and out." It takes some time but i finally level my breathing to hers.

"Where's Jonathan?" is the first thing i can muster out. "He's coming. i promise, he got stuck in traffic." Right on cue Jonathan runs into the waiting room. His eyes lock with mine and i can see the way his eyes are wide with alert; like he's looking for someone, something.

He rushes over to me and kneels down. "How is she?" i didn't want to tell him. i didn't know how. Jonathan, Skylar, and I have been unbreakable since we were in the second grade. And by the look in his eyes i know he already knows; he just want me to confirm it. "sh-she's gone." Those words sound foreign to me, i never thought I'd ever have to say them. Especially not referring to my best friend.

I spot a tear leave his eyes i slightly move my hand to wipe it. He holds my hand to his cheek and closes his eyes like he needs me close. I need him there for me now more than ever. Why did she have to go? The last time i was with her she was so happy; we all were.

..

I get in the car getting ready to pick Jonathan and Skylar up from their houses. I turn the car on and plug in my phone to listen to music. Iggy Azalea comes on and i turn the volume all the way to max. About 5 minutes later I'm at Skylar's. "Hey babe." she says stepping in towards the car. I did my best at trying to side hug her. "Hey." i pull out of her drive way and make my way to Jonathan's house. Once i pull into his big drive way i honk. Before i know it Skylar has her window down sticking her head out, yelling may i add, "HURRY BITCH. WE'RE LATE." i laugh at her childness because in all honesty we were actually early for once, not that it mattered because it was just us three like always.

A second later Jonathan leaps out of his house and towards the car. i see his short, flowy hair in the wind going up and down. The light hits his eyebrow piercing directly and it glistens in the sun. His dad's army dog tag, the one he never takes off, is around his neck jumping up and downs as he jogs over to us. He walks up to the passenger seat and slightly frowns when he realizes Skylar is sitting there. She smirks at him and i nod my head towards the back. I hear the door open and him getting in. "Hello beautiful and Skylar." I blush at his use of words and Skylar just flicks him off. "Hey Jonathan." As soon as those words leave my mouth I'm off and driving towards the park. The car is full of silence, but not the uncomfortable kind; the peaceful kind. I park and we sprint towards the picnic area. We spend the reast if the day laughing, eating, and playing around.

..

How was i so clueless as not to be able to tell when my best friend is going to commit suicide? Jonathan hugs me tight and brings me to his chest right there on the hospital floor. "Can we go outside for a little bit?" i ask desperately wanting to get out of there. Jonathan doesn't speak he just nods. We walk out, and i slide my small hand into his big one lacing them together. We go to the side of the building built for you to be permitted to smoke. I lean against the brick wall as so does he and brings his foot back putting it against the wall also. He pulls out the cigarettes and takes one out; i pull it out of his hand before he can react i see him smirk from the side view of my eye. He takes another one out for himself, lighting it and handing me the lighter. I light it and take a puff, releasing it seconds later repeating this action twice untill Jonathan breaks the silence, "When did you start again?" he ask gesturing to the cigarette I'm bringing to my lips. "Today." He huffs and shakes his head. I finish the smoke, throwing onto the ground and crushing it with my foot. Jonathan does the same and i pull my bright, red hair into a ponytail. He puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me back into the waiting room. When i walk back in i realize who we're waiting for: Anthony. Wow what a dick, his girlfriend dies and he's not even here; probably fucking another bitch. We sit down on the stale seats next to each other waiting for Anthony to show up; if he ever does.

As we wait Jonathan brings his hand over my brand new tattoo on my thigh. Which says: 'The devil is real, and he's not some little read man with horns and a tail. He's beautiful because he's a fallen angel and used to be Gods favorite.' i personally am in love with it and the way the words fall perfectly together. "Does it itch?" "Kinda, i can't scratch it that much though because then the ink will come off." He nods resting his head against the wall while closing his eyes.

I can tell he's tired, I spot the dark rings under his eyes indicating he hasn't well slept in days. "Why don't you two go home? Mom and dad are out of town and I'm going to Nathan's house tonight. You won't be bothered." i guess Roxanne noticed it too, when she finishes Jonathan opens his eyes and looks at me. I don't really want to leave, but i don't want to stay either. "Sure lets go." My voice comes out weak and dull; lifeless.

We get up and say our goodbyes to Skylar's parents. I feel sorry for them, I really do. I can feel their pain deep down, I'm gonna miss her as much as they will; if not more. She was my other half, I loved her and I always will. Skylar has taught me so many things: good and bad. She loved me when I didn't know how to love myself she helped me stay strong through my past with my alcoholic dad. She took me in when I ran away two years ago. She's always been there for me; so why wasn't I there for her?

As we walk to the car in silence and with Jonathan's hand in mine i feel someone watching us. I look around trying to find anything but there's nothing. We get into the car and drive to my house with silence filling the car, except for the soft rock music playing in the background. Neither of us said a word at all, we didn't know what to say.