Futatsu no Sekai (Two Worlds)

Chapter 2: You Monster

The morning came, and my eyes burned from crying. I refused to get up, a night with no sleep didn't fit my happy-go-lucky school persona very much. The sunlight was a laser, burning my eyes even more and made me flop onto my side to face the opposite direction.

"Fuck school!" I yelled. 

I heard a knock on my door.

"Time to get up, Lien!"

"Fuck my life," I whispered angrily. 

I kicked myself off the bed, and stomped to the bathroom, I didn't want any of this. I actually needed a fucking break for once. I wasn't used to feeling selfish or disappointed. To hell with those feelings. They felt worse than death. My "friend" was right. I rushed through my morning routine, I drank a fuck ton of coffee and I cried inside. What a wonderful fucking world. 

My brother came up behind me as soon as I settled down. He poke at my shoulder until I turned to talk.

"Hey," he poked, " are you okay?"

"Delightful," I said soberly. 

"Yea, you're not okay," he said.

"What makes you think that?" I said, twitching a bit from the caffeine. 

"First of all, I have never heard you say 'delightful' in your entire lifetime. Second of all, I heard you yelling 'fuck school!' this morning. Third, you never drink coffee, you are not okay," he explained.

"I need coffee right now though."

"You never drink coffee though. Why do you need it all of a sudden?" he asked.

"I barely slept. But I don't want to talk about it." 

"Why not?"

"It's just a really sensitive thing. I'd rather keep to myself..."

"Alright, but will you be okay today?" 

"Probably." 

I wasn't gonna be okay. I needed his help. Anyone's help. But nonetheless, I was afraid of asking. 

"Okay then..." he said quietly.

He pat my head and walked to grab his things. I took my bag, which felt heavier than usual, and walked outside. I didn't want to deal with what happened yesterday. I don't want to feel selfish. I want closure. 

Tones of reds and yellows flew across the sky, piling up onto everyone's lawns and driveways. I sighed as they slowly danced onto the floor, keeping still, until the wind pushed them away. I wondered what it would feel like if I were a leaf, just to be blown away by the wind, dancing in the air as you slowly crash onto the floor. You'd probably get stepped on and crunch up as well but I'm pretty sure that would be nice too. 

During school, I felt like I blacked out in between classes. One moment I would be in English, and it would go black, then I'd wake up in Math. Then soon, the school bell rang, and i remembered absolutely nothing at school except for the fact that time seems like it's going faster than it usually is. I know something's really wrong with me. I don't know what though. I contemplated reaching out for help, but convinced myself not to try. I was too afraid of asking.

"What if people don't think it's real?"

"What if they laugh?"

"What if they think I'm crazy?"

I was going mad, and my whole world was crashing down. Now and then, I wouldn't even know what day it was. Blackouts lasted from classes to a few hours. I couldn't keep track of anything from the first blackout. Hours to days. Days to maybe weeks? I don't remember. I felt a loss of control during my blackouts but soon I woke up.