All through the year | lgbt+ ✔️

oops, i dropped my rationality in the ocean. [4]

"It's magical when you fall in love, but terrifying when you realize,
y o u ' l l
b e
t h e
o n l y
o n e" // unrequited.

______________________

I saw you walking past me in the hallways. A warm smile sent my direction and I would see my smile slowly creeping up yet clumsily tripping over my lips, I swear I prepared to greet you but that tripped too and fell into my mouth.
I swallowed my words and instead gave you a half drunken smile, which you chuckled at and walked away.

3 seconds.

I can't believe I couldn't be normal for a 3 second glance.

Staring at the floor seemed move attractive to my eyes.

I preferred the emptiness over actual human contact.

Skin of different textures, colours, feelings and stories hidden under them brushed against my own as I rushed past them to my class.
I gripped the knit fabric closer to my flesh in hopes of hiding the stories carved under my skin.

I'm late.

I can't be late.

I could hear my breath running a marathon between my throat and lungs, out to the air and in.
I could feel the air dragging my heavy heart by the hand only to drop it down an endless deep pit of anxiety. My steps eased as it ironically got heavier accompanied by an increased pace.

I could feel my chest heave as it made love with an upcoming heartattack.

It was avoided when a trampled mess burst through the door and into my class. I could feel eyes on me.

Ignore them.

I sighed yet I could feel the scrutinizing gazes at the back of my head. I could hear their insults and gossips crawl into my ears in their silent stutters and utterances.

I sat down.
I held my head up to meet the sight.

Nobody was paying attention to me. Nobody even noticed me.

Another sigh.

The clock right in front of me helped ease the muscle in my chest tightening.

1:47PM.

A cold breeze held my face by chin and lead me to the outside.

I stared out the window into the ocean I was drowned in. I blurred out the noises, my hand wandered on the pages of my book, drawing absurdities with the ink flowing out of the pen I held so close, my fingers wrapped around solace.

I wonder if I could talk to her today?

A smile creeped up my face.

I hope so.

A drop added to the ocean as his lips met her cheeks.

A blonde haired boy. Brown eyed girl.
In the middle of the ocean, under a lamppost.

A dead lamp post.

Her bright smiled seemed to make up for it as she held his hand and they sat on the bench together,
books on their laps.

And my hope fell shattered on mine.

My shattered hope couldn't help but grip on to possibilities.

"They're just friends." I muttered.

I felt the ocean around me, enclosing me in cold and suffering hands.

Friends.