I Bleed Galaxies: An Ode To Battle Scars

The Glass Box

It was beautiful, wasn't it, this last time?
All the sides perfectly smooth.
Not a single flaw.
Not a smudge or a fingerprint.

I built it myself like I always do.
I chose each pane for its thickness.
For its strength.
For its transparency.

I placed the first rectangle on the floor.
I sized it up.
I sat down on it.
A nearly invisible barrier between me and the world.

I was comfortable for a bit.
But too much crossed over the boundaries.
I slid a second piece behind me.
It watched my back and I leaned on it.

The world and I interacted on three sides.
Most people didn't notice a difference.
I don't know if I wanted them to.
Maybe.

I was overwhelmed.
Two shining walls went up on either side of my body.
It was comfortable and it was safe.
There was less noise.

I was nearly untouchable.
It was both comforting and alarming.
I needed touch, didn't I?
Didn't I crave contact?

The touches came less frequently.
Others could see the walls.
The walls made them unsure.
The walls made them uncomfortable.

Now when the touches came, they were too much.
Just leave me be.
I closed the fourth wall.
A few still tried to reach me.

The sides are smooth.
The corners are sharp.
Don't touch it!
See the cuts? I did that!

I am not worth the injury, please don't.
I belong in this box.
I put the lid on.
Nobody can hear me now.

Some don't seem to notice.
Others insist on noticing too much.
I don't know which is worse.
See me! Don't see me!

I thrash.
I crack.
I smudge.
The walls cloud with the heat of my howling.

Some walk past.
Some try to talk to me through the walls.
Some wait for me to come out.
Some sit on the lid, oblivious.

See me!
Don't see me!
Help me!
Leave me to suffocate.

Help me!
Abandon me.
I hate me!
I love you.

I'm sorry.

I'm pushing.
I'm crying.
I'm beating.
I'm bloodied.

The insides are smooth.
The corners are still sharp.
Some help and come away torn.
Some have learned my methods and come away unscathed.

Push from the inside.
Love from the outside.
Love from the inside.
Push harder.

Shatter.
Crash.
Gasp and breathe deep.
Bleed.

Laugh.
Cry and heal.
Sweep up the shards.
Swear it will never happen again.

I'm sorry.