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YALL BITCHES READY FOR SOME CONTEXT!! NO???? SCREW IT LMAOOOOOO

SO I'm out of caps now. Any ways. Basically what's up is a few months back I tried out for my school's musical, which was Seussical (It's a really fun show but I'm still not sure what the plot is) and I made it into the ensemble! Now you're probably like why the fuck does this matter the ensemble doesn't do much anyways blah blah no fuck you you're wrong. On multiple accounts. Like first of all the ensemble is one of the most important things in every show and if you disagree you can fucking suck my cock okay it doesn't exist but suck it anyways. Second of all it's important that I made it in because I'm... Drumroll please... Or not that's cool. I'm not in any choir, which is already shocking to most that I got in despite not being in any of the choirs at my school, and I'm also not in encore which is my school's competition choir. Let me tell you those are the best of the best at my school, like legit if you want to see talent you go there. Yet somehow I, a random girl who just kind of showed up, beat out encore kids and made it into the show. Now it's more surprising, huh.

ANyways so for the past two months I've been doing that and i;ve made some great friends in there like the two sweetest girls in the world (Names changed to save identities)  Sara and Mary  and this really funny senior who I'm calling Marcus  and his sweetheart of a girlfriend who I'll call Dani. I also met another boy who's a year ahead of me. Let's call him John. John and I didn't know each other when I first went to practices. THen again most people didn't know me excluding a few  people. But that's unimportant (Like me lmaooooo). Anyways, I'm not sure when or how but one day he came up to me as we were leaving rehearsal and just started talking to me about whatever. It started with how I was (Still kind of am but oh well) awkward at rehearsals and I laughed a lot, so i kind of shrugged it off and made a joke about how I laugh when I'm uncomfortable, and we had some back and forth where we were just kind of talking. From there it was basically history. We talked more, got closer, hung out outside of rehearsals at a football game, and just slowly became fairly close friends. As we neared tech week we would still just talk to each other and hang out when we weren't on stage and were on the same side, he comforted me when I was really stressed which is a story all on its own, but he was, and is a really good friend to me. However, seeing as we became close friends quickly, it prompted a lot of comments or ideas from other people.

I remember as we were marking out something that everyone put off till last minute, another friend of ours who I'll call David made some sort of joke about how we "loved each other" or something, I don't fully remember the details but John and I both just kind of brushed him off and kept talking/whatever we were doing at the time. I'm not even sure John heard him but that's irrelevant.

THE THING IS THO Other people also saw John and I hanging out and also started forming little opinions about us. And they were not ashamed of their opinions, which I knew when Dani and Mary started talking to me at the start of intermission on our second show about how they shipped me and John. THis needs it's own paragraph.

Basically what happened was we were back stage in the dressing rooms getting ready for act two/hanging out because we could. That's when Dani just casually came up to me and asked me if I liked John. I was kind of shocked but then again I also remembered what David had said to us not long ago so I wasn't completely shocked. I tried brushing it off and saying that I liked him as a friend, and I was hoping that they'd leave it there. Apparently I forgot who I was dealing with. Dani began talking about how she saw that he and I were really close and saying things like she was going to ask him if he liked me too (I never said whether or not I liked him past a friend, or I don't remember saying anything about it. Mostly because I didn't and still don't know). Mary even joined in also saying that she shipped us as well, leaving me awkwardly in the corner considering every interaction that I had ever had with him and slowly becoming more red. Thankfully they dropped the subject quickly, and I'm still not sure if Dani ever asked him, which leads me to my next problem.

I don't know if I want to know. I don't know if I want to know whether or not she asked him. I don't know if I want to know the answer if she did. The thing with him is, he is friends with everyone. Other than his sister I have no clue if there is anyone who dislikes him. He's really kind and just someone who's nice to talk to and be around. This has got me all confused for multiple reasons. I didn't think that I liked him but after my friends started pointing out different things I couldn't help but Also notice those things. WHich did not help my already confused brain in the slightest. And, lets say he did like me, for some weird reason, how would I know? I mean it's not like I could know that he thinks of me or that he likes me, or literally anything. How would I know? I wouldn't. He's nice to everyone. He's Friends with everyone. SO knowing if he did or not is impossible. and THen there comes the what ifs. Like what if Dani did ask him but he said that he secretly hates me and just puts up with me because I have no friends, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings so she's not telling me. Not inaccurate but still hurtful. What if he did say he liked me but made her swear not to tell me? Or he was like me and was just confused when she asked? What if she just completely forgot to ask him and I'm freaking out over nothing? I wish this was a less possible answer.

But yea, John and I were close but in the end we did have to part ways because Seussical was over, and we rarely see each other in the halls. BUT We do normally see each other either before or after school in the hallways, and he almost always greets me by yelling my first and last name at me. Every Time. BUt it's just one of the things that we do together, so I always laugh and respond with a "No Way!" because that's just our thing. IT's what we do. And I really like seeing him in the halls because he always says hi, and I smile because I know he didn't forget me. I mean I doubt he would but my self doubt is a very high thing. But the other day I didn't see him. Not before school, not after, and I genuinely felt sad. Well maybe not sad, but something was off and I felt it. I was kind of sad, I vaguely tweeted about it but it wasn't obvious that I meant him. I don't think my followers (all 5 of them) even know who John is so even if I wasn't that vague they didn't know who I meant. But then today something great happened

I was sitting in the cafeteria before school started talking to some of my friends, like I've slowly began doing every day. Before the bell rings though, I'm looking around and John comes up to us and he does our thing (The yelling my name thing) and I smile and we almost start talking. I say almost though because another one of his friends came over and started talking to him. A girl also came over, and he got into that conversation so I grabbed my bag, said a quick bye to him that I'm not sure he even heard and started walking to math. I was kind of sad but happy at the same time because I got to see him but at the same time we didn't get to talk even though we almost did. But I shrugged it off and went through my day. End of the day comes around, and as I'm walking I see John, but he doesn't see me because he's doing something with his eye (I dind't see because I was walking the other way) So I just called out a quick hey and kept going. I smiled again, happy because the universe payed me back for me not seeing him the day before.

Then, again even later, I'm leaving my brother's concert because it was today and as a sister I had to go to it. I'm glad to be out because the people sitting behind me were the actual worst people ever and I was so annoyed, and I remember that he's in encore and they had let out at 8. It was about 8:15 or so so I wasn't expecting to see anyone from there still hanging out but I still looked outside as I walked. I had seen one girl leave but she didn't see me so I had a small amount of hope. As I looked through the glass doors, tho, I saw something jump. So I stopped. and I kind of jumped. It jumped too. It was a he. It was John. SO, like any true excited friend would do, I ran out the doors and I ran over to him. I gave him a hug, but he was sweaty so it was kind of gross, but honestly I didn't care too much because I hadn't really talked to him in weeks. Sure our thing was cool but I hadn't really talked to him. I questioned why he was still here because he should have been home by now, encore should have let out at 8. He explained why he was there and we were both just really excited. He told me that he missed talking to me, which honestly made me genuinely happy because I talked to my friends about how much I missed talking to the people in Seussical, his name always being one of the first to come up. I was just so happy to see him again, we were both smiling and I was just so glad to get to see him again. Eventually his sister showed up, and with another (Kind of gross bc sweat) hug, and a goodbye, he was off again, but I was beaming. My parents even asked me later who I had seen (They saw me run out of the building to see him after all lmao) and I quickly said his name, and they knew who I meant because he and I have a few stories together. But yea that's just kind of where I am right now and I needed to vent, so enjoy this. Maybe I'll update this with random stories or updates on this. FOr now tho, have a lovely day.

I'm less AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH Now after getting all this out yay