Reflection of God (Pein Story)

Chapter 19.

What had Pein done wrong?

True, he had known things weren’t going to be a walk in the park, but still. Had all he thought about been wrong? Kyo had reacted off of him; she had willingly spent time with him and chose to hang out. They got on well—she couldn’t have been pretending just because he was her leader. He knew she had a thing about authority, but it wouldn’t have stretched that far. He’d thought he was helping her break away from that former idea. That acting overly obedient wasn’t a good thing; that it all needed to be in moderation. And he’d thought that in the process of that he’d found something else. There had been a connection between them, and it was clearly evident. So what was it? Did she not like him in that way, and he’d just dismissed that idea for his own feelings?

Or would she never let herself feel anything for him because of what she had always known?

Clenching his fists, through frustration rather than anger, Pein turned and picked up his shirt, slowly pulling it over his head before grabbing his cloak and heading straight back to the hideout. He was the leader of Amegakure and the Akatsuki. He’d worked out all the plans and goals they needed to go through in order to reach their ultimate goal and what he had been reaching for this entire time. Yet he ambled towards the hideout with his gaze stuck on his feet, thoughts firing around his brain but not being able to pick out a single one that truly made sense; that would help him get through this problem. For the first time in a long time…Pein had no idea what to do.

It had been bad enough before with getting Kyo to call him Pein. Things had been awkward and constantly on edge afterwards, and he had spent so long trying to figure out what he could do to make things better. But that had been about a name. How she saw authority had influenced, that, yes, but she could easily have simply refused and things could go back to normal. Even if Kyo turned around and said she didn’t like Pein that way things would never return to how they had been now. What he had done would always be in her memory, and it would influence whatever either of them did towards each other from now on. Kyo hadn’t met his eye, barely spoken to him and acted distant before…so now how would she act? Or would she even bother to return this time? It was a lot bigger than just a change of name, after all.

Drifting silently down the corridors, Pein made his way to his room without looking up or checking for anyone around him. For the moment, he needed to be alone—to think. He had to figure out what to do to make this right again; because it was clear whatever he had done was wrong. There were several reasons as to why Kyo had told him no, turned around and walked off, but somehow Pein couldn’t pick one out as the single definite answer. All the time he’d known her and had worked with her had been building up to that moment; as he became friends and got closer it was something he wanted more and more. Whether it was the same with Kyo was another question entirely. Maybe it had been because she wasn’t ready; it was a surprise. That was better to think about, at least, than Kyo considering him as a friend only.

But even that he could deal with.

There was just one thing Pein was hoping it wouldn’t be. Yes, he wanted Kyo to return how he felt, but if she didn’t, it wasn’t something he would force on her. But the idea that maybe she did like him; maybe there were the same feelings towards him as he had for her and that it was something Kyo had considered when thinking about him. That it was just a barrier that was present that would always stop her from doing anything. That even if she wanted to be with him more than anything, she would keep herself away and force herself to keep him at arm’s length because of that blockade. It was that contemplation that got to Pein the most. He could deal with Kyo not liking him in that way…but not that she was forcing herself to stay away.

Standing by the window, Pein leant against the wall and stared outside, before his eyes closed softly, the frown of confusion never leaving his face. His mind wandered back to the moment in the clearing, running it through his head once more. Her voice…what she had done…whatever it had been about it, Pein hadn’t been able to stand back. The kiss had been impulse, but having been planned all along. Immediately it had felt like the right thing to do, especially as Kyo responded. As she kissed back. There had to have been something there in order for her to have willingly returned the gesture. Only something must have caught her attention; she realised something and had pushed herself away. Then she had said that…

Pein…no, we—we can’t. It doesn’t matter if I call you by your first name and hang out with you in my spare time…it won’t make a difference…

What did she mean?

Growling softly to himself in frustration, he rubbed his temples, not noticing the soft knock on his door; for a moment not even noticing as Konan slipped in a minute later. But she knew something was wrong before she had even entered the room. She knew he was in there, and he never just remained silent if there was someone at the door. There was the idea he hadn’t heard it—but even that was unlike Pein. Being the leader of both Amegakure and the Akatsuki always made him alert—and it was clear Konan’s theory was right as she glanced over at him slowly rubbing his temples, snapping his head round to face her as if he hadn’t even known she was there.

She greeted him softly, and with a nod in return, he said nothing more, returning his gaze to the outside world. But taking a step forward, Konan questioned gently,

“Pein—what is it?” Though having her suspicions proved as he responded almost in a whisper, half to himself,

“I—I kissed her. I kissed her and she walked away. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something?”

Konan had to resist the urge to smirk, raising an eyebrow at all Pein was doing. Of all the things for him to get so serious about, this would not have been one she would have picked out at first. But then that would have been before Kyo. Now, however, and it seemed likely; though the kiss was a little unexpected. And thinking it over, Konan was wondering if it had been the same for Kyo, too, and finally replied calmly,

“But what about her feelings, Pein? You had to take everything slowly towards Kyo with how she is; so why should this have been any different?”

Pein glanced away, considering this and slowly nodding, remembering that the kiss had been a little impulsive. But he still couldn’t help but think there was something more to it than that, and shaking his head, he turned and repeated what Kyo had said to him earlier; what was now echoing around in his brain constantly with him still not knowing what she had meant by the words. Konan, however—being calmer and more rational at the time—narrowed her eyes as she thought about it, but as she ran her eyes over Pein it finally occurred to her, and she stated simply,

“Your leader.”

Frowning in confusion at what Konan was saying, she came forward again to continue once more,

“It doesn’t matter if I call you by your first name and hang out with you in my spare time, it won’t make a difference—you’ll still be her leader. That’s what Kyo meant, Pein. She might be breaking away from the regimented lifestyle she had before and relaxing a little…but she still hasn’t fully adapted. From the sound of it you just lunged at her and kissed her. But you know something isn’t quite right in her past, and it must have been a little out of the blue. She wasn’t prepared for it.”  

Pein hid a sigh and fully turned his back on Konan, closing his eyes in frustration.

Once again, it had come down to this.