Learning To Love Again (Completed)

Learning To Love Again Chapter 1 >>>> Picture of Payton

“Alex, no!” Don’t do this again” I pleaded, looking up at my boyfriend of 6 years. He was laid on top of me naked, staring down at me with a grin on his face.

“Oh, come on, baby, relax and let me have some fun.” He spat in response. “Enjoy it”.

How could I enjoy it? He was raping me again, for the second time this week. Pushing himself into me, satisfying himself. I wasn’t scared anymore. I just closed my eyes waiting for it to end.

“Open your eyes” He ordered. I kept them shut, squeezing them tighter. “Open your eyes!” He shouted this time. I opened them, looking up at him, trying to think of something else, anything else, that would take my mind off this. I tried to think of Thomas, my beautiful baby boy. At 5 years of age, he was so bright and beautiful, he makes me laugh all the time and it’s so sweet. Oh, God, I thought, I’m so glad Thomas isn’t here to hear this. Thomas was never here to hear it. Alex always made sure he was out the house before doing anything. Alex moved off me and grabbed my hand shoving it towards his penis, forcing me to grab it. I rubbed it for what seemed like an age before he moved my hand and forced himself back into me, pushing harder this time. He disgusted me. How could he force himself on his own girlfriend, like this? It’ll be over soon. I thought, he’ll stop and it’ll all be over. With that, he flopped onto me and pulled out. I tried to move to run to the bathroom to shower. All I could think of was getting clean. I needed to get away from him and rid myself of the dirtiness. I shivered at the thought of him touching me again.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked? I barely had chance to answer, before I felt his fist collide with my face. “You’re not going anywhere, you little slut.” I fell to the floor, thinking, this is it. He’s not going to stop today. He’s going to kill me. I closed my eyes again waiting for the end. I felt every hit, every kick, and every shout before he climbed on top of me again and the darkness took me in.

  I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital bed with tubes and machines all around me. How long had I been here? I thought, as I struggled to move.

“Don’t try to move” I heard a voice, and looked around. A nurse was stood next to the bed. “I’ll go and get a doctor to come and take these tubes out.” She said.

How did I get here? What happened?

A few minutes later, the nurse came back.

“This is doctor Powell, he’s going to take these tubes out and give you a check over and then we’ll have a little chat, if that’s alright with you?” she asked.I nodded, knowing exactly what she was going to ask. Some things were starting to come back about what had happened. I remembered Alex on top of me, and then I remembered the punching, and the kicking. Oh, God, he’s put me in hospital. Where is he?

The doctor took the tubes out and ordered some more tests

“How are you feeling?” the nurse asked. I was in so much pain, it was unreal.

“It hurts” I winced, “how did I get here? What happened?” I had so many questions I wanted to ask.

 “Just try and stay calm, Payton. Your neighbour found you stumbling out of your house. I’m afraid it will be another couple of days before you can leave. You have a broken wrist, a broken nose, a fractured skull, some broken ribs and several cuts and bruises all over your body. You’ve been here for 2 weeks”. She sat down on the edge of the bed. “We’ve seen from your records that you’ve had lots of trips to the hospital in the last few years. We’ve also seen the old cuts and bruises on your body; would you like to tell us where they came from?” I shook my head. I didn’t really want to talk about it. I’d get the same questions I get every time he puts me in hospital. Why haven’t I left him? Do I want help? Will I prosecute? I didn’t know anything. “Look, the police are going to want to talk to you. They’ll want to ask you lots of questions you’re probably not going to want to answer” I cut her off.

“I know. I’ve done it all before.”  I’d done it several times before. It was the same questions every time. “Can you ask them to wait a few minutes, I’d like some time to think.

“Sure, sweet, I’ll be just outside if you need me.” The nurse left.

I slumped back on the bed. Did I really want to have my boyfriend prosecuted? He could be so sweet sometimes. I thought of all the times he brought me home flowers, the times he cooked me dinner, the romantic nights we had. Then I thought of every time he flipped, went crazy, throwing things around the house, punching walls, hitting me. Could I go back to that? I had a lot of thinking to do.

I heard the door open and the nurse popped her head round the door.

“Are you ready for the police now, honey?” I nodded. I may as well get this over sooner rather than later.